Next week, the TESL group will be off to Pangkor for some rest and recreation. Oops. I mean 'Sports and Recreation'. Don't think they'll be giving us a break - we even have to replace classes for that camp which is in our curriculum! Have you ever heard of such an injustice?

Well, now you have. Bad things always happen to good people. *sigh* =P

Anyway, I was appointed Head of Safety for this camp. I can just imagine the scenario. There I am standing on the beach, hollering at Epa who's being chased by a shark in the water, " Epa, WHO TOLD YOU TO GO AND MAKE FRIENDS WITH THAT SHARK?! Now is NOT the time to make new friends!"

Or maybe, " Epa, go go go, I know you can do better than that! WOW, that HAS to be a record breaker!"

And when she reaches the shore and blood is running down her missing left leg, " Epa, so THAT'S where the ketchup went to last night, eh? And stop leaving your leg in your tent, you're supposed to come for all activities fully equipped."

What can I say, I was just born to be Head of Safety. *smug smile* "Guys, I just heard there's a tsunami coming. Let's go WIND-SURFING, WOOHOO!"

You know who to sue if anyone disappears during the camp.

...The people who appointed me.

I am so proud of myself because Ray liked the birthday present I got him this year.

xD

KL is full of paranoid pessimists. They'll tell you that everywhere's unsafe, that everybody's out to mug you, and that you should use backpacks instead of handbags, and if anyone says hello, run away.

Okay, I made that last one up. But I still like to think we Kuchingnites are optimists compared to them, and hey, everyone uses branded handbags over here! So much for not using handbags.But that's not my point today. My point is...I went shopping alone! In KL! And I came back safe and sound even though everyone was plotting my demise on the commuter. Paranoid parents will have you believe that. No, I'm not talking about my parents, I'm talking about theirs. =P

I love the Central Market (also known as Pasar Seni). I've been there 3 times in my entire life, and I am still not tired of it. MidValley? Times Square? Sorry lah sien already. Nope, I don't usually go shopping during the school term, just during holidays. This weekend was Deepavali, and Rene wanted me to get some stuff, so I had the perfect excuse to go out and shop. Man, I love shopping for others. It's spending money on pretty stuff, minus the guilt. =P

I am so excited about the little thingy I got my friend. Wait till she sees it. Wait till she sees it. =D

Thought of the day : I don't like the person KL has turned me into. I can't even smile at random strangers on the street!

When I was little, I wasn't afraid of the dark - because I was too blur. (I'm still not afraid of the dark, mind ya.)

There was once when I was sick, the doctor prescribed antibiotics, but the antibiotics wrecked havoc upon my body, and I didn't say anything to my parents - because I was too blur. They eventually found out.

When I was very little, my brother used to bully me because he was very jealous, and I took everything in stride without crying - because I was too blur. I probably never knew a better life anyway. =P

My cuzzy who witnessed the earlier part of my childhood called me a "tough cookie", and some people think I'm fearless, but I think I'm just blur.

Sometimes I wonder why I wasn't born more intelligent. xD

Over the past few months, I noticed that "Your Grace is Enough" is a favourite song of DUMC's. They sing it all the time. I usually get tired of a song when it is over-sung, and I'm starting to get that feeling already when I hear the prelude to that song. But the song lyrics are true, and I realize that God's grace IS enough for me. But we humans are so forgetful.

Now I don't know if this happens to all of those studying overseas or merely "over the South China Sea", but I get homesick every now and then, especially when problems come all at once. When there are more obligations to fulfill than you  can take, or when you're so frustrated at all the government activities you have to join just because they said so. When the lecturers make you irritated with their immature remarks and not very open-minded way of thinking (from people who have a Masters/PhD, I certainly expect more). So many things can go wrong.

But God is full of grace, and He knows how much I can take. We were supposed to go for the SIPMA (Sukan antara Institut Perguruan Malaysia) opening ceremony next Monday, complete with a week-long rehearsal or something along those lines. They don't call it "tenaga kerah" for nothing. Who in their right minds would want to go for something like that? No offense to those who actually enjoy activities like that, we need people like you to take our place. =P I'm worrisome and paranoid and a planner, so I foresaw the whole weekend going to the bin, and not even the recycle bin at that.

Then suddenly, our institute's batch wasn't involved anymore because other institutes sent more than enough people. A similar incident happened with the Merdeka Day National Level celebration, only that was because of H1N1, not excess manpower. Almost deja vu, you know. I think we're possibly the first batch of students who escaped a month-long training session for the national day celebrations because of the timing. Now, no more SIPMA. What else can I say, but PRAISE THE LORD? I'm convinced of the power of prayer.

Your grace IS sufficient for me.

P.s I'm going to continue praying for all those redundant activities that we're forced to take part in, and maybe, just maybe, God's favour will be upon me.

Yesterday was the Mid-Autumn festival, and I only found out a day before the festival itself. Hehe. Some things never change.

This year, I didn't celebrate it. Okay, to be fair, I 'celebrated' it months in advance because my brother's an avid fan of snow-skin mooncakes, but what I meant was I didn't get to play with lanterns as I usually do. Yes, mooncakes are sold months in advance in West Malaysia. It's so commercialized nowadays. *sigh*

Okay to be HONEST, playing with lanterns was never the main point. It was burning stuff with the candles INSIDE our lanterns that was fun. Dried leaves, sticks, paper, you name it, we burned it. I think one of the neighbourhood kids even brought along some kerosene once. What fun. =P

Fire was always something that we kids weren't supposed to meddle with, and forbidden fruit always tastes sweeter, so yeah. I even went to the extent of burning onion skins with fire from the stove just for the perverse pleasure of watching them crackle and glower and become ashes. XD When my parents weren't home, of course.

Bonfire, anyone? =P

For Language Description (grammar) earlier this week, we were asked to find the lyrics of a song each. Any song. We found out later that our lecturer wanted us to highlight and classify verbs in it.

Guess which song I chose?

Home - Westlife.

Talk about expressing yourself. =P

Let me go home....

I wonder if I'm depressed.

It's almost as if I denied myself the right to be homesick in the beginning, like I jumped straight into college life and my basic instinct for survival took over, leaving me with no time for self-pity and reflection. The tears found their way out occasionally, but I didn't feel homesick, so I didn't attribute them to homesickness. Almost no one but my roommate knew, and she only knew because she lives with me.

And then along the way, frustrations inevitably get amplified, the loneliness sinks in and that's when the physically detached family support system really makes itself felt. Phone-calls are just not the same. I don't alienate myself, but I find it hard to get close to others. My friendships aren't superficial, they're just not the type that would entail vulnerability. Even if I voice out my frustrations, I do so in an annoyed manner, or laugh them off, or mention them with light sarcasm, just so that no one knows what's really getting to me.

So I pray, and pray, and pray. But the tears still come, and I don't know why. Maybe my subconscious is tired of being suppressed, and demands to make itself heard now.

I just wanna go home.

What I'm about to say here might make you hate me and feel like I'm evil and have no sense of loyalty whatsoever. I'm probably already on the general female population's list of  "The Worst Scumbags You Could Ever Hope To Befriend."

I don't get why people wait for friends. I don't get why girls HAVE to go in pairs to the toilet. In fact, the only reason I do so is so that some other poor long-suffering soul won't have to tahan any longer while waiting for ME to come back from the toilet and only then, get the pass. I don't get why we have to "look out" for our friends before going anywhere (like to the dining hall) or doing anything (like eating lunch) - as if they can't survive on their own. I don't get why you have to wait till the others have done their stuff to do the next thing on the list (like eating lunch). I don't get why people love to meet up at a certain time to do a certain thing in the name of friendship and teamwork...and invariably arrive LATE (and therefore, NO BREAKFAST). I don't even have to say "I told you so" for you to get the point. Good thing I had my breakfast, my lunch, and everything in between.

I don't get the absurdity of waiting around when so many things can be done if you all just move individually at your own pace. I move rather fast, and I don't like to waste time hanging around waiting for friends. Maybe I'm selfish for looking out for myself and getting things done regardless of whether you do or not. To me, that's just common sense - if I do what I need to get done quickly, I might even have the time to help you with whatever you're doing. If you're late, bear the consequences yourself. Don't drag me down with you, please, just because true friends are supposed to wait for each other.

Maybe that's why I get more things done - just as a loner.

Redefine "loyalty", please.

[Author's note: The "you" in this passage is not directed at anyone in particular. It's just there for the sake of smoother writing.]

During tutorial class today, some of us cried.

Because it's been pent up so long, because we thought we were so strong, because we felt we could face our fights on our own, that our struggle doesn't belong to anyone else.

We were wrong.

I'm tired.

This is what I'd love to say to my Learning Support lecturer :

What is the big deal about learning support? If everyone's learning style is different, why are requirements being imposed on me to give you the type of answers you want documented neatly in essay/point form? Why do I have to assess myself and tell you exactly how I learn something, and why doesn't a simple explanation suffice? If my performance peaks in the morning, what's wrong with studying at night when I actually have the TIME to because mornings are filled with lectures? I've survived thus far through 12 years of morning session school. What reasons do you have to doubt my ability to study at night? Learning isn't something rigid, and it's not like I'm inflexible when it comes to studying. Am I supposed to give you a five-year plan on how I'm going to make sure I don't fail this course? And change my energy cycle just to make it seem credible?

Or are you going to suspect that I cheated if/when I do well in my exams, because reason dictates that I don't have enough revision time during my peak hours, since lectures are held then?

If the only way to measure my learning progress is by exams, so what? That's the Malaysian system anyway. If I measure my learning progress by exams, and I happen to score in them, would my answers in these redundant, detailed questionaires even MATTER? What if I happen to have this phenomenal memory, and I don't need things like mind-maps and note-taking to help me remember? What if I don't use fancy mnemonic tactics to score? What if my study habits are TERRIBLE but I pass every exam with flying colours? What if I already have superb time management that doesn't look superb on paper, but serves its purpose in college? What if I don't, or CAN'T write down the way I organize my priorities on paper, because it's instinctive to me?

Would you have anything else to say, then?

Give me an exam, and judge me then.

Julyan (my roommate) waltzes into the room singing a Chinese song that goes "Are you tired" in some part of the lyrics.

Just then, I get up from my seat in front of the laptop and go, "I'm tired of this".

She stares at me, laughs and tells me that she wasn't speaking to me.

I look at her in astonishment...I hadn't even heard what she sang. xD

I survey my choices, and shrug inwardly. My impatience urges me to opt for economy fast food over waiting for a fresh order of...nothing more than mere fried rice. Even if the menu boasts 20 different types of fried rice, 15 will probably be too spicy for my taste buds, leaving me to rotate among the remaining 5, and to be honest, all types taste the same anyway. Except for the spicy factor.

With 12 dishes to pick from (leftovers from today's lunch), the decision isn't a tough one to make. I have wised up from painful experiences. First, I eliminate everything that looks suspiciously red for fear that I'll suffer the consequences later. That leaves me with.....dunnoe, four or five dishes left. Out of the four or five dishes, three probably look/smell utterly disgusting, so they're out. The rest? The chosen ones. =P

This scenario repeats itself most days. If it isn't chicken, it's....fried chicken. If it isn't fried fish, it's fried egg. T.T I miss beef. I miss veges like kailan, sawi, and potato leaves. I miss non-spicy food, which doesn't leave you panting and crying. I miss boiled and steamed and roasted stuff.

But I'm a survivor. =P

I'm sorry for not updating my blog often enough.

Life's been....I wouldn't say 'fast-paced', but neither would I call it 'slow-paced'. Assignments are endless, but at the same time, I'm really enjoying most of the subjects. For the first time in my life, I'm perfectly happy with where I am and what I'm doing. The grass can't get any greener, even if it's in IPBL, Kuching. After all, they got quarantined for a week. Hahaha.

(Okay I'll stop laughing, IPT might get it too. IPIK across the road has already closed down. Awwell.)

All my life I've dreamed of becoming a teacher, and now I find that dream being fulfilled step by step. It's a tremendous feeling that fills your heart with gratitude and praise - God has really been good to me. Even though I didn't even apply wholeheartedly, things worked out miraculously. According to what I applied and was interviewed for, I should've gotten English/PJK/Social sciences. But here I find myself doing TESL, albeit for primary school. I don't really mind that, because what I'll be learning will be the same as that of those under TESL for secondary school. Furthermore, I truly enjoy what I'm studying - in-depth grammar, literature, social studies, thinking skills...

I love my class. My class, including me, adds up to only 11 people. There's only one (poor) guy in our class, but he's a real sport (and a flirt, too, I might add). He says that we're his 10 wives. xD Anyway, it's fun being in my class. And I mean REALLY fun. =D

The other TESL class doesn't seem to be having as much fun as we do. =P In my case, it's more of a "the grass seems yellower on the other side" thing. Being in the TESL group gives us a lot of privileges. For instance, class ends at 10 am on Friday for only the TESL groups. Other courses have classes till 12.30pm. I know, I know, I'm repeating myself. What can I say, God knows how to spoil me. =P

It's remarkable how things seem to fall into place one by one. I got both my first choices for Gerko, and I have a wonderful roommate whom I actually MISS when she's not around. The kind of roommate you can have chats with till 12 midnight even though you KNOW you're supposed to wake up at 6.30am the next morning and that's not a very good idea.

I'm not homesick because I have plenty of relatives over here, not to mention Ray who's studying in IMU at the moment. I'm thankful that my parents got most things done before I came here such as the medical checkup and creating a bank account. And I have a laptop at my disposal. Unlike some of my friends who survived on the library's computers for the past two weeks, and are going to get a laptop at the PC Fair in KLCC tomorrow.

I, have everything in the world to be thankful for. =)

Here's a sneak peak into my life as a teacher-training college student.

I wake up early every morning so that I can use the bathroom without any interruption in the water supply. Staying on the third floor has its benefits, but where the water supply is concerned, that's a disadvantage. So even though classes start at 8, I'm usually up and about by 6.30 am (poor roommate of mine).

My roommate is a wonderful person. She puts up with me. =P No, seriously, she's really nice and I'm really glad she's my roommate. And I'm glad she's a Chinese doing the same TESL course as I am, just in a separate class. Communication is so much easier with a fellow Chinese who can speak Chinese. We help each other out, and when we start talking, we can't stop. xD

By the way, we happen to be the first batch of B. Ed TESL students for primary school in the whole of Malaysia. (Stop laughing. I don't eat kids, okay?) A lot of things are still in the process of being determined, such as our course outline, syllabus, etc etc etc. In the meantime, we TESL students just sit back and enjoy the confusion plus all the benefits that come with being in this particular course. For instance, we don't have to take BM asas, English Language Proficiency and Moral (not this sem anyway) which are compulsory subjects for all the other courses. =P

I'm one of the most privileged in my batch, because I don't have Moral classes to attend and I have a wonderful class which consists of 11 warm, friendly people. There MIGHT be a second intake. Like I said, nothing is sure for now, and everything is in a state of confusion. Many of my lecturers will not be in next week due to meetings regarding this new course. =.= Makes me wonder what the Ministry of Education has been doing for the past 7 months while we fermented at home doing nothing.

I study English Literature, English Description (grammar) and English Development (I'm not too sure what this is about, but it has something to do with phonetics and yadi yada). Then I have wonderful subjects like basic maths (which is kacang compared to F6 maths), emotional intelligence (the lecturer is my CF advisor, yay!), thinking skills (which I'm very interested in), social studies (EXTREMELY interesting), generic skills (no comment) and last AND the least, Learning Support. Which is a totally redundant subject in my opinion. =.=

The most ironic thing about Learning Support is that it requires you to take notes and is 100% coursework, but my learning style is definitely NOT one of taking notes. I have never seen the point of taking notes when textbooks and reference books will always be more detailed than whatever my messy notes can offer. I wonder if I can get out of taking lecture notes if I let the teacher know that my learning style just doesn't fit the syllabus requirements. xD After all, she DID say that each and every one of us was different and that we should capitalize on the way we learn best. =P

I hate taking notes. Notes are redundant. Taking notes while listening to lectures just disrupts my concentration.

But I shan't whine. =P

Another thing about teacher-training college is that the lecturers expect YOU to do the teaching 80% of the time.

*sigh*

Let's just say I'm tired, fed up and not in a good mood at the moment.

It's not always like this, I promise you. Orientation was a miserable, tiring affair that dragged on for one whole week. We only got 5-6 hours of sleep per day. I'm so glad that's over and classes can start now.

I waste a lot of time in KL. I think I won't go out from now on. Travelling takes a few hours, let alone actually shopping. Going to church, another few hours. =/

I don't want to live here forever.

We had a farewell gathering tonight, and this time, the farewell was for me. (Not many were left behind to celebrate it. Amy and Wui Siong, WHERE WERE YOU GUYS? *glares accusingly* We were waiting for you! xD)

Not that anyone would've been able to tell that it was a FAREWELL, of all things - we were having so much fun that other people were staring at us. xD What can I say, if there's anything Arangnites are good at, it would be making a scene. Thanks, guys. =)

And for the first time in my entire 18 years of existence, I drank a Matterhorn. What on earth, the name sounds so much more terrible and inedible than the actual thing. Not a good sales tactic, I must say. They should rename it, seriously. But I digress. I know, I know, it's the first and last time I'll be drinking a Matterhorn for a while. How could I have discovered it only NOW?

*shrugs* Ah well, never mind. So I'll be leaving tomorrow on a jet plane....I wish. =P Just a normal Air Asia plane lah. I heard that they have Wi-Fi in my hostel.

I guess I'm not going to be too distressed after all. xD