For Language Description (grammar) earlier this week, we were asked to find the lyrics of a song each. Any song. We found out later that our lecturer wanted us to highlight and classify verbs in it.

Guess which song I chose?

Home - Westlife.

Talk about expressing yourself. =P

Let me go home....

I wonder if I'm depressed.

It's almost as if I denied myself the right to be homesick in the beginning, like I jumped straight into college life and my basic instinct for survival took over, leaving me with no time for self-pity and reflection. The tears found their way out occasionally, but I didn't feel homesick, so I didn't attribute them to homesickness. Almost no one but my roommate knew, and she only knew because she lives with me.

And then along the way, frustrations inevitably get amplified, the loneliness sinks in and that's when the physically detached family support system really makes itself felt. Phone-calls are just not the same. I don't alienate myself, but I find it hard to get close to others. My friendships aren't superficial, they're just not the type that would entail vulnerability. Even if I voice out my frustrations, I do so in an annoyed manner, or laugh them off, or mention them with light sarcasm, just so that no one knows what's really getting to me.

So I pray, and pray, and pray. But the tears still come, and I don't know why. Maybe my subconscious is tired of being suppressed, and demands to make itself heard now.

I just wanna go home.

What I'm about to say here might make you hate me and feel like I'm evil and have no sense of loyalty whatsoever. I'm probably already on the general female population's list of  "The Worst Scumbags You Could Ever Hope To Befriend."

I don't get why people wait for friends. I don't get why girls HAVE to go in pairs to the toilet. In fact, the only reason I do so is so that some other poor long-suffering soul won't have to tahan any longer while waiting for ME to come back from the toilet and only then, get the pass. I don't get why we have to "look out" for our friends before going anywhere (like to the dining hall) or doing anything (like eating lunch) - as if they can't survive on their own. I don't get why you have to wait till the others have done their stuff to do the next thing on the list (like eating lunch). I don't get why people love to meet up at a certain time to do a certain thing in the name of friendship and teamwork...and invariably arrive LATE (and therefore, NO BREAKFAST). I don't even have to say "I told you so" for you to get the point. Good thing I had my breakfast, my lunch, and everything in between.

I don't get the absurdity of waiting around when so many things can be done if you all just move individually at your own pace. I move rather fast, and I don't like to waste time hanging around waiting for friends. Maybe I'm selfish for looking out for myself and getting things done regardless of whether you do or not. To me, that's just common sense - if I do what I need to get done quickly, I might even have the time to help you with whatever you're doing. If you're late, bear the consequences yourself. Don't drag me down with you, please, just because true friends are supposed to wait for each other.

Maybe that's why I get more things done - just as a loner.

Redefine "loyalty", please.

[Author's note: The "you" in this passage is not directed at anyone in particular. It's just there for the sake of smoother writing.]