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September 28 "I wish I could drive over to your house now, cuddle with you under your thick blanket, and hug you and cry and talk and cry again and talk again without other people thinking we're doing SOMETHING else."
I understand. I would do so without a second thought myself, but there's something holding me back. For one thing, I'm not your mum even if I do do some marvelous role-playing =P, for another, I'm a girl, for yet another, you're a guy, and whatever level of friendship we have come to, guys will be guys.
And girls will be girls.
I know I'm the very last last last person you'd probably have THAT type of feelings for (and vice versa), and I'm not particularly worried THAT would happen. xD But still, guys will be guys, girls will be girls. That sentence says it all.
Part and parcel of growing up, I guess. I find it increasingly awkward to wear my heart on my sleeve with guys nowadays. I exercise a healthy amount of restraint with them, and no, I'm not oblivious to the wall gender differences are building up between guys and girls. I feel strangled sometimes. Strangled, awkward, tense and suffocated.
Okay, seriously, if I always act according to how I feel, I'd have snuggled up close and personal to certain guys whom I happen to have an affinity for. It's very tempting for me to express my affection in leaning my head on their shoulder or by touching. But I know that's foolish (and manipulative in a way), because it might give them the wrong idea. Seriously, the more I find out about guys, the more fickle I think they are.
And the more I find out about myself, the more fickle I think I am as well. [Note to self : Get more girlfriends. xD] September 27 KM can be so sweet sometimes. Even though he knows he's not much of a help when it comes to comforting me. It's usually the other way round, so he doesn't get enough practice. I guess we can't blame him either. xD
Nevermind. Let me give you guys a crash course in Listening-to-May-Vent 101.
Firstly, you must understand the conditions under which I rant :
#1 Frustration is the most likely emotion that I'm facing.
#2 Frustration comes about when I have done all that I can, and I know I can do nothing else, and I just need to get it out of my system.
#3 I will most probably have considered all the other options already. =P
#4 The situation would usually be what others consider a trivial matter, but I never said it would be complicated. The complicated part is how I feel about the situation. See how I dwell on the emotions first? Then I only tell you the actual problem. If I could, I'd omit the problem part altogether. But that hardly ever happens, because it gets a little (okay, VERY) confusing after awhile. My main objective is to let you know how I feel. Haha.
#5 Just by listening, you can make me feel better. Because that means you care. =)
#6 I don't expect you to understand WHY I feel this way, but I do expect you to pretend you do. xD Kidding!
#7 Advice isn't a necessary thing, but if you DO have your two cents, throw 'em in once I'm done ranting. Like I said, I would have considered all known options already, and have done all that is within my ability. I just need to get it out of my system.
Well, back to KM. He always makes me smile despite myself. And he can be quite wise when our roles are reversed.
"Well, you can't always win. What's the big deal with controlling yourself? Maybe sometimes you have to lose it hard so that you'll know how to win it big the next time."
On the other hand...
"You want to get married so early meh? I don't want to. Children...they...they SCUM." *snicker* [Don't get the wrong idea here, we were digressing. =P]
But the grand finale:
"How do you want me to make you feel better? Hey, you want to listen to a joke? Have I told you the one about China, Japan and Malaysia? No? Okay, like this.
One day, China decided to dig into the earth. They dug for 3 meters, and they discovered copper. So they said, " Our ancestors invented the telegraph."
When Japan heard about it, they bu shuang. So they went and dug as well. They dug for 3 meters, and discovered some phone lines. So they said, "Our ancestors invented the telephone!"
Malaysia wasn't about to lose out. They also went to dig in the earth. They dug 3 meters, nothing, 6 meters, nothing, not even 9 meters. Then they finally realized something.
They said, "Our ancestors invented the wireless set." "
Sometimes you gotta admit, being the youngest child, KM certainly has a lot of wide-eyed charm. Got a soft spot there for him. *rolls eyes and smiles*
And yes, he DID make me feel better. =) Thanks a bunch, baby brother. xP September 26 I was pretty amused when I read this...KM and Eddie and our shared (mis)adventures immediately came to mind.
Strong, contradictory forces consume the ESFJ. Their sense of right and wrong wrestles with an overwhelming rescuing, 'mothering' drive. This sometimes results in swift, immediate action taken upon a transgressor, followed by stern reprimand; ultimately, however, the prodigal is wrested from the gallows of their folly, just as the noose tightens and all hope is lost, by the very executioner!
Quite sure they'd agree. xD Especially the "mothering" part.
Eddie : I hate it when you're always right.
May : I understand. I hate it when Amy's always right too.
Eddie : You seem to be 100 years older than I am.
May : What 100 years?! I'm merely 90 years older.
An ESFJ at odds with self is a remarkable sight. When a decision must be made, especially one involving the risk of conflict (abhorrent to ESFJs), there ensues an in-house wrestling match between the aforementioned black-and-white Values and the Nemesis of Discord. The contender pits self against self, once firmly deciding with the Right, then switching to Prudence to forestall hostilities, countered by unswerving Values, ad exhaustium, winner take all.
Just take a look at the internal war raging on now.
H.E. Art said to H. Ead, " I think I -,"
And H. Ead growled, "SHUT UP! NOT ANOTHER WORD. Go. Away."
Feel like slamming some doors now. Haven't done that in a loooong loooong time, but the frustration's driving me crazy. EXAM time some more. Thanks to you, Amy. Hehe. Sometimes you could just leave me in my ignorant bliss, ya noe?
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay, I'm done screaming in virtual reality. Back to Chemistry. September 23
Portrait of an ESFJ - Extraverted Sensing Feeling Judging
(Extraverted Feeling with Introverted Sensing)
The Caregiver
As an ESFJ, your primary mode of living is focused externally, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit in with your personal value system. Your secondary mode is internal, where you take things in via your five senses in a literal, concrete fashion.
ESFJs are people persons - they love people. They are warmly interested in others. They use their Sensing and Judging characteristics to gather specific, detailed information about others, and turn this information into supportive judgments. They want to like people, and have a special skill at bringing out the best in others. They are extremely good at reading others, and understanding their point of view. The ESFJ's strong desire to be liked and for everything to be pleasant makes them highly supportive of others. People like to be around ESFJs, because the ESFJ has a special gift of invariably making people feel good about themselves.
The ESFJ takes their responsibilities very seriously, and is very dependable. They value security and stability, and have a strong focus on the details of life. They see before others do what needs to be done, and do whatever it takes to make sure that it gets done. They enjoy these types of tasks, and are extremely good at them.
ESFJs are warm and energetic. They need approval from others to feel good about themselves. They are hurt by indifference and don't understand unkindness. They are very giving people, who get a lot of their personal satisfaction from the happiness of others. They want to be appreciated for who they are, and what they give. They're very sensitive to others, and freely give practical care. ESFJs are such caring individuals, that they sometimes have a hard time seeing or accepting a difficult truth about someone they care about.
With Extraverted Feeling dominating their personality, ESFJs are focused on reading other people. They have a strong need to be liked, and to be in control. They are extremely good at reading others, and often change their own manner to be more pleasing to whoever they're with at the moment.
The ESFJ's value system is defined externally. They usually have very well-formed ideas about the way things should be, and are not shy about expressing these opinions. However, they weigh their values and morals against the world around them, rather than against an internal value system. They may have a strong moral code, but it is defined by the community that they live in, rather than by any strongly felt internal values.
ESFJs who have had the benefit of being raised and surrounded by a strong value system that is ethical and centered around genuine goodness will most likely be the kindest, most generous souls who will gladly give you the shirt off of their back without a second thought. For these individuals, the selfless quality of their personality type is genuine and pure. ESFJs who have not had the advantage of developing their own values by weighing them against a good external value system may develop very questionable values. In such cases, the ESFJ most often genuinely believes in the integrity of their skewed value system. They have no internal understanding of values to set them straight. In weighing their values against our society, they find plenty of support for whatever moral transgression they wish to justify. This type of ESFJ is a dangerous person indeed. Extraverted Feeling drives them to control and manipulate, and their lack of Intuition prevents them from seeing the big picture. They're usually quite popular and good with people, and good at manipulating them. Unlike their ENFJ cousin, they don't have Intuition to help them understand the real consequences of their actions. They are driven to manipulate other to achieve their own ends, yet they believe that they are following a solid moral code of conduct.
All ESFJs have a natural tendency to want to control their environment. Their dominant function demands structure and organization, and seeks closure. ESFJs are most comfortable with structured environments. They're not likely to enjoy having to do things which involve abstract, theoretical concepts, or impersonal analysis. They do enjoy creating order and structure, and are very good at tasks which require these kinds of skills. ESFJs should be careful about controling people in their lives who do not wish to be controlled.
ESFJs respect and believe in the laws and rules of authority, and believe that others should do so as well. They're traditional, and prefer to do things in the established way, rather than venturing into unchartered territory. Their need for security drives their ready acceptance and adherence to the policies of the established system. This tendency may cause them to sometimes blindly accept rules without questioning or understanding them.
An ESFJ who has developed in a less than ideal way may be prone to being quite insecure, and focus all of their attention on pleasing others. He or she might also be very controlling, or overly sensitive, imagining bad intentions when there weren't any.
ESFJs incorporate many of the traits that are associated with women in our society. However, male ESFJs will usually not appear feminine at all. On the contrary, ESFJs are typically quite conscious about gender roles and will be most comfortable playing a role that suits their gender in our society. Male ESFJs will be quite masculine (albeit sensitive when you get to know them), and female ESFJs will be very feminine.
ESFJs at their best are warm, sympathetic, helpful, cooperative, tactful, down-to-earth, practical, thorough, consistent, organized, enthusiastic, and energetic. They enjoy tradition and security, and will seek stable lives that are rich in contact with friends and family.
Jungian functional preference ordering:
Dominant: Extraverted Feeling
Auxiliary: Introverted Sensing
Tertiary: Extraverted Intuition
Inferior: Introverted Thinking September 22 What's so captivating about childish innocence?
The pure joy and delight at learning new things everyday. The excitement of being alive, the wonder at the simplest wonders. Breathing in the fresh air, running, running and running. Laughing and laughing. Giggling at nothing at all. Being happy. You're on top of the world, the sun caters to you and you alone. You're carefree and light-hearted. And everyone around you seems to be smiling.
It's infectious. =)
But as we humans grow up, we tend to be weighed down by materialistic burdens. Study, study, study. Reticulums and convex lenses and isotopes and N+P1+C1+N2+C2. Scholarships. Does that guy/girl like me? We become too grown up for childish activities, and "put away childish ways". People actually call you a "sampalao" if you don't act sophisticated and like you know it all. We forget how to smile. We forget how everything used to excite us. Everything becomes a "why bother". The novelty has worn off.
Fortunately I have Lara. This creature, this beautiful creature who has wormed her way into my heart and has the ability to reduce me to meaningless babytalk (for all my intellectualism) whenever I'm around her. In her, I find that childish, endearingly DUMB innocence and naivete. I know what makes my heart melt - her ever-contagious enthusiasm and zest for life. I picked up some of that from her. xD
I have a teacher, Cikgu Jasni. In him, I find that very same childish enthusiasm and optimism. He tells EVERYONE "You are the best!", even the cleaner lady, and the amazing thing is, it doesn't get cheap just because he's repeated the same line around a million times in his lifetime. I love being around him because he exudes a positive energy and he makes others feel good about themselves. There was even once when I had this standing competition with him to see who could utter those trademark words faster whenever we met each other. We need more people like this in the world!
That's the kind of person I'd like to be. =D
I want to go back to the once-upon-a-time when I would stare at the grass hoping for a sign of life, catching grasshoppers and dragonflies and releasing them again, feeding ants because I found a type of bean pod that they enjoyed, traipsing all over the neighbourhood and naming all the stray dogs, finding my own solitary ground where I could sit and enjoy the silence (despite the mosquito bites), catching and rearing tadpoles and wondering how come they always died in my hands, and just enjoying the beauty of nature. The simple delights of life. =)
I used to smile so much when I was younger that when I got to Form 1 and joined the prefectorial board for an abruptly cut-short stint, my dad said that I forgot how to smile. What a wake-up call. I learnt to smile again. xD
Some intellectualism here:
They say that guys tend to smile less than girls, because smiling is the body language of submission. They also say that girls with older brothers tend to smile more when talking to guys. Couldn't resist some info-sharing. xD
The world'd be a better place if we all knew how to share a smile. If nothing else, it certainly makes one look more attractive! =P September 16 Amy *wailing softly* : May, how can you strike a chord with people so quickly? I want to know how to! You have more close friends than I do. I'm good at small talk. It's hateful.
May : Yeah, I know. I hate small talk too. Because I'm not good at it. XD
Amy : But how do you get into deep conversations so quickly? Like Eric, if it were me, I wouldn't have gotten so far in such a short time. How do you do it? Teach me.
May : Did I get very far with Eric? =) He was very talkative as well, so I guess it wasn't that hard. Maybe it's just the people you and I target...maybe the people you talk to aren't that chatty...Then again, not really leh.
Amy : I don't know. But you just...have the knack for striking up deep conversations compared to me. I want to learn how to. Small talk doesn't get you anywhere.
May : *shrugging*
[Note to reader : Eric is supposedly (another) one of my boyfriends. =.= But for the record, he's just a guy I met at the Kuching Fest Public Speaking Competition.]
I fought back the urge to say "It defines you", because that would be a useless comment, besides being not very helpful. Still, there might be some truth in that statement, because different people have different ways of socializing. Some people are good at holding up conversations, some don't even like to talk. Some initiate, some just stand there and wait to be tackled. xD
But I digress.
What hit me most was the fact that I didn't know how to answer her. My mind was a total blank, hence the few words. I seldom come across questions I haven't rationalized out by now, and I guess I just never thought about it. Then again, what Amy said, how far true is that? Without solid evidence that I have the knack for striking up deep conversations, of course I won't begin to rationalize the logic out of it. But since I was asked this question, let's just ASSUME she's correct. From this base, I'll try to build up some logic out of it.
Well, for starters, I couldn't care less for small talk, because I'm interested in the person - from the psychological aspect. Having an introverted background doesn't help matters regarding small talk much, either. Hmm. I guess one can tell what a person is like through sheer observation. A quicker method would be to use a few opening sentences, and you can gauge how far you can get with this person. If a person isn't responsive, or interested, I give up too. But I don't often allow room for failure, so I observe quietly first. If the person answers with "Don't know" and looks away, you can safely assume the answer to the rest of your questions will be no different. xD For me, that's either my cue to slip away surreptitiously, OR...stay and menyahut cabaran tersebut.
I usually slip away, though. xD Those I stayed for in the past turned out to be some of my greatest friends but those relationships always
took a painstaking process. I'm only talking about the success stories. =) Some, or maybe most, failed outright. I can still feel the pain. xD I think the few I tackled successfully drained me of all my energy already. Gotta take a break. Hahaha.
So, ASSUMING the person is an ideal candidate for talking...
Being a thinker, I pose questions that set one thinking. I try to tap into the emotions in people. For example, I can inquire about how many siblings you have, and when we've exhausted that topic, which will very likely happen within a few seconds, two at most, the conversation would die. Mercilessly DIE on you. But, consider this scenario.
May : How many siblings do you have?
X : Um, three.
May : And you're the...eldest?
X : Nah, I'm the youngest.
May *mischievous, congenial smile* : How does it feel like to be the youngest? Are you your parents' favourite?
(We're off to a promising start for a meaningful conversation, unless X gets disinterested and says "Don't know")
Perfect example (probably overused by now) of appealing to the emotions in others. Especially if they're girls...girls are more willing to share if you've passed their assessment of trust/maturity/interestingness (or something to that effect).
I guess I'm still an amatuer at this, so I shouldn't make a fool of myself trying to speak on a topic that I still have much to learn on. But so far, I guess if people can see you're genuinely interested in them, and that you're capable of holding up a conversation well, OR that you're down to earth enough to talk to without feeling awkward, or that you can identify/click/connect with them to a certain extent, it's not hard taking the conversation to a deeper level. =) Actually, it's almost a prerequisite that you're a thinker, as most thinkers would WANT/be able to carry on deeper conversations. xD Not a bad thought.
Mac's two cents : The world is a lonely place, and thinkers few. Food for thought.
THEN AGAIN, not all thinkers are extroverted, or like to make the first move...so we're back to square one.
Oh, and patience pays. TRUST ME. So do sheer grit and determination. Tackling difficult cases definitely makes one a better person, because you learn to persevere.
Earth to May. I forgot we were just ASSUMING Amy was correct. *sigh* September 12 Clear comparisons can be made and observed when I write poems in my high and low moods. =) This first one was composed in the blues.
It's about time.
I think it's about time
I stopped lying
Saying "It's okay"
When it isn't;
"I understand"
without a given reason.
Making excuses
For their absence.
I think it's about time
I be honest,
be myself;
Acknowledge my feelings,
my failures.
Not just an image
of what I'd like to be.
I think it's about time
I stopped
Putting my hope
In the ways of men;
Striving to stand
On my own two feet.
It's about time
I came back to God
And the Holy Word,
Go back to the start
And renew my heart.
Find peace and purpose
In the dark.
This one, on the other hand, was done in a lighter mood. =)
Me and You
I am happy
For you
For me
Having found
A true blue in you.
My joy
Lies in coaxing out
your hidden smile;
Brightening up your day
Shining up some of the dull.
Let me in
I wanna warm your heart
melt your icicles
by dogged persistence
and unconditional love.
My laughter
To chase away your blues
On a dreary day
Try some.
In doing so,
I have become
a better person
thanks to you. September 09 I walked into youth last night. Safe and secure, without even a slight hint of a change in my lucky feng shui. Then, that fateful second, I pirouetted and came face to face(alright, maybe not face to face) with, of all people - David Ling.
*cymbals and gongs clanging*
There goes my lucky feng shui. xD
May : Am I seeing things?!
David : No, you're not.
True to form, we started arguing, just like old times. Lol. But not just then lah. After the singspiration...
David *casting that trademark David-haughty glance at me with an injured air* : You don't read my blog. HMPH.
May *defensively*: I do!
David : If you did, you'd know I was coming back.
May : You don't update everyday, so of course I don't read it everyday lah.
David : I'm BUSY mar. Exam bor, of course cannot update everyday lah.
May : Excuses, excuses.
David :(not wanting to concede defeat, began to mimic me talking.)
After youth...
May : I love you, Esther. Come, come, I have a request to make.
(taking her aside some distance)
May : Can I exchange test papers with you?
Esther *a crestfallen smile playing on her face* : Cheh. Usually when people talk like that, they're gonna propose.
May : You know, I did think of that, but when I thought of David Ling as my brother-in-law...You know, I'd probably divorce you, not because of YOU, but because of HIM.
(I can't help but remember what Jwern said at the church camp this year : May, are you having an identity crisis or something? Lol lol lol.)
When I related that incident to David in church today, he added in his two cents.
David : I think of you marrying Esther, I'm also scared ah! I'd probably MAKE her divorce you.
Poor Esther, caught in the middle. LOL. I once told her (good-naturedly of course): Esther, how can you bring out the best in me while your brother brings out the worst in me?
Yesh, that would be how we interact with each other all the time. David once said I had an ego to match his, but seriously, I prefer to think I'm humbler than that.  <--shows that my ego's even bigger, lol. It's really funny how I NEVER give in to him when we argue, whereas with others, I don't even START quarrels. I bet he has too few people challenging him. Hear that, David? xP Actually, it's fun arguing with him over the smallest, stupidest matters. We sound so immature. Hahaha.
Here's another interesting conversation, but not involving David. *phew* xD
(I handed an envelope to Esther)
Esther : I think you'd better give that to me, since I have a bag. Put mine into your envelope.
Claire : What's that?
May : You don't wanna know.
Claire : I do. What's that?
May : You really don't wanna know.
Claire : What IS that?
(I finally extricated mine from the clutches of the envelope, and Claire caught sight of what was in my hand. Test papers. Nothing more, nothing less.)
Claire *erupting* : WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU GUYS?!
May : I told you you didn't wanna know. XD
Moral of the story : When I say you don't wanna know, you DON'T wanna know, trust me. Lol.
Personality Matters
A very good morning to the Honourable Chairman, the panel of judges, teachers and my fellow friends.
I am so excited about what I’m going to speak on today. In fact, this is one of my favourite topics. Understanding our personality is so interesting, because no two people are the same and you are unique - just like everyone else, of course. Your personality is defined by so many factors: parents, genes, friends, even your gender.
But, do you know that your personality is also defined by your birth order? Whether you are the first-born, middle-child or the youngest, it does affect your personality. Check this out:
The first child in the family is very likely to be self-confident and a perfectionist. They are natural leaders and often high achievers. In fact, George W. Bush, the president of the US is a first-born. Any first-borns here? This applies to you.
What about the middle child? Well, I myself am a typical middle child. I remember my teacher saying once that the middle-child has the weirdest temperament of all the siblings. I prefer not to understand what he meant by that. The middle child would be a very flexible person. Middle-borns tend to be people-pleasers and peacemakers between the eldest and the youngest sibling. Of course, they usually feel left out because all the attention goes to the eldest, if not the youngest.
For the babies of the family, also known as the youngest child, I’m willing to bet my life that you are charming and cute, as many would think. Your siblings will probably complain that you get your way all the time and that your parents play favourites - in your favour, of course. Anyway, you have strong people skills and love to make new friends. Your gift is obviously in making others feel comfortable around you.
What about those of you who have no siblings? Only-borns are a mixture between the first-borns and the last-borns. They tend to be extremely reliable. As you can see, they are rather similar to first-borns in terms of being responsible and perfectionists. On the other hand, they have the characteristics of the youngest as well, that attention-seeking, sensitive side. Being an only-born, you might lack basic social skills learnt through having siblings. So, for those of you who suffer from sibling rivalry, you might want to try developing your character through it.
So, what am I leading to? Your relationships with other people! Your birth order does affect how well you get along with others, you know? Perhaps you’ll even understand how come you can’t stand A, yet get along very well with B.
An excellent combination for the first-born would be the last-born. Ever heard of the term “opposites attract”? Frankly speaking, first-borns might not be able to stand another first-born. You see, if both want to be in control, as it usually is with first-borns, it is going to be an extremely difficult relationship.
Not surprisingly, middle-borns get along well with almost anybody, except perhaps other middle-borns. Because both are prone to being secretive and mysterious, their communication will suffer. On the other hand, middle-borns are skilled at compromising, so overall, this may also be a good match.
For the youngest, I already said that the perfect combination would be a first-born. Most of the time, last-borns do not get along well with other last-borns, because both will want attention from each other. Parallel to that, the worst combination would be an only-child female and an only-child male. Not only will the two clash and quarrel non-stop, but neither will have a clue about the other gender too. So, look around you at best friends or couples or even your own parents. Apply a bit of what you’ve learnt today, and voila, you’ll see how much sense this knowledge makes.
Before you guys come after me about gross errors in my research, please, let me put one final disclaimer: Birth order does not determine your personality, it merely influences it. Many other factors influence your personality as well, for instance, whether you’re right-brain dominant or left-brain dominant - but perhaps I’ll leave that for another day.
Thank you.
Just felt like posting up my speech script for the public speaking competition in May.Yes, that is a five-minute long speech. Any longer, and I'd get some discounts for my presentation. Haha. Feel free to imagine the infused expressions, minute eye twinkles and mischievous grins while reading. It's public speaking after all. =P Owh, I realized I never actually posted the results up. Okay, this is VERY outdated news, but here goes:
1st place : Larry Nyanti - SMK Batu Lintang ( they've been dominating the first place for 3 years already! Someone's gonna have to change history! =P)
2nd place : Tracy Tan - St Mary
3rd place : Yours truly - SMK Jalan Arang =P ( like I said to the fallen debators, I avenged us. xD)
4th place : Jason Wong - St Joseph
5th place : Edna Ho - Kuching High
And if any of you Arangnites are wondering how come they never presented the trophy to me during assembly, SHHHHH. I purposely let everyone forget about it so that I wouldn't have to redo my entire presentation just because the admin wanted to hear it. Sometimes you gotta act smart. XD September 08 Ever since I...um...err...Okay, ever since I became a teenager, I started having mood swings. Don't bother testing the truth value of that statement, because "teenager" is a relative term, and so is "mood swings" (and so is "ever since", but that's beside the point). Amy said that once upon a time, I was so insensitive and blur that when SHE wasn't feeling good, I would just prattle on and on. Ironically, my blur prattling always managed to make her feel better in the end. =)
I'm not so stupid anymore, though. =P She claims that I've improved in terms of being sensitive, and I credit that to the fact that I myself have mood swings now. After going through it yourself, you can sense when something's off. Mood swings can be scary. One moment you're feeling fine, the next you're not. For yours truly, there are two extremes: melancholy or irritability. It's "down-ness" more often than not, though.
This is one of the instances in which I actually feel glad that I'm pretty predictable. Being predictable means I can predict myself. I can even predict the approximate period of time when I'll feel like that. *hint* When I catch myself in an abnormal mood, I tend to keep quiet. You know, the way you try to say the least you can for fear of saying/doing something wrong/irretrievable. I try my best to meekly obey orders, even if harsher-than-normal opinions are coursing through my mind. Much, much better than affecting other innocent souls wad. =P
But I never knew others could sense my withdrawal so clearly. Amy senses it 100% of the time, even my mum can sense it. Even when I say nothing at all. Even when my expression is neutral. I'm amazed. Can I be read so easily? How on earth do they do it?!
Mum : You exude it.
Amy : It's very...obvious! (Some difficulty putting thoughts into words. Or maybe there isn't an explanation for the wonders of intuition.)
I wish others couldn't read me like a book sometimes. It'd be nice to keep things to myself some of the time. Insignificant things like the vagaries of my mood, which aren't all that wild and exciting anyway. Speaking of keeping things to myself...
Amy : I'm a little scared now. Lately you've been saying stuff like " I don't know if I should tell you this or not...".
I guess I'm not all that predictable anymore. Not even to myself, perhaps. =) September 04 On Monday...
May : From now on, I'm going to tell you every single thing I've studied, so that you will start getting stressed out and buck up.
Amy : Okay. Go on, tell me.
May : I've studied History, and I even copied down the notes the teacher didn't ask us to copy. Five pages arh!
Amy *talking to herself whilst flipping through my notebook* : Cmon, feel panicked liao. How come I'm not panicked?
May : And I've gone through the Physics exam paper, yeah, there's one mistake there btw...
Amy : Which question?
May : Uh, the hydrometer one.
Amy *still talking to herself* : Cmon, panic liao.
May : Nevermind. I'll constantly remind you. Sooner or later, you'll start panicking. *sits back and smiles smugly*
Not that I did much better than she did on the last exam, I'm merely raising the stakes for the next. Hey, it's for our own good! =P
On Tuesday...
May : Um, did you bring my Bio ref book?
Amy : No, I'm not done with it yet. Aiyah, I think you'd better start pushing me to hurry up so that I'd actually finish the book. Tell me when you need it. Then I'll try to finish it. How come I'm so relaxed? This isn't good!
May : I'm gonna call you once every hour today to make sure you finish the book. By every hour, I expect you to have made a progression of 10 pages.
Amy : Whoa.......
What are true friends for? To scare you into action. LOL. Amy, you'll thank me someday. u_u
On another note, I'm deliriously happy. WAHAHAHAHA! I've gained headway! Psst, Amy: -ice king-"bye"-me. Fill in the coded blanks. =P I think I'm gonna have a new project soon, if people don't start yakking again. *rubs hands together in glee*
Now I sound like some crazy hormone-imbalanced teen. Who cares. xD September 03 Is it possible to prove if God does exist? To answer this, let me share with you my theory of where the Coca-Cola can may have come from:
Billions of years ago, an incredible big bang came from nothing and nowhere, and sent a massive rock spinning through space. As it cooled, a brown, sweet bubbly liquid formed on its surface. As time passed, aluminium crept out of the water and shaped itself into a can (which thankfully is just the right shape for the human hand), formed itself a lid, then a tab on the lid. Millions of years later, red and white paint fell from the sky and clung to the can, forming itself into the words, "COCA-COLA Classic, Trademark, Original Formula, 12 FL OZ (355 ML)."
You may be feeling somewhat insulted and so you should. Such irrationalism is beneath your intellectual dignity. You know that if the Coca-Cola can has a design, there must be a designer; if it is made, there must be a maker. The alternative, that it happened by accident, is unreasonable, illogical and unintelligent to say the least.
Imagine that I had a new car, but I peeled off the maker's nameplate. Would you then think that the car had no maker because you could neither see the maker nor his name?
Perhaps the greatest proof of the Creator's existence is seen when you gaze into the mirror. Contrary to popular belief, your lungs are more than just bags to breathe smoke into. They are designed to filter oxygen out of the air you breathe. These organs contain 300,000,000,000 tiny blood vessels called capillaries. Your entire blood supply washes through your lungs once every minute. In your lifetime, the marrow in your bones will create approximately half a tonne of red blood corpuscles.
You have focusing muscles in your eyes that move an estimated 100,000 times each day. That same eye has within it a retina that covers less than a square inch and contains 137,000,000 light-sensitive cells. A wide-eyed Charles Darwin said, "To suppose that the eye could have been formed by natural selection, seems, I freely confess, absurd in the highest degree."
George Gallup, the famous statistician said, "I could prove God statistically; take the human body alone; the chance that all the functions of the individual would just happen, is a statistical monstrosity."
[Excerpt from God Doesn't Believe in Atheists, Ray Comfort]
Man, this book is a good read. Written in a witty and intelligent way, it captivates even the most cynical of people. =P
Alright Km, there's your argument. Hope you had fun. I have to get back to my add maths now. xD
Oh and you can borrow it from me after your SPM if you want to. Hehe. September 02
The objective of STPM is to pass people?
How do you explain the fact that 87% of the students passed the examinations of the Sijil Tinggi Persekolahan Malaysia (STPM) recently?When during your grandfather's time only 10% would have passed?
Are students getting smarter? Or are STPM questions getting easier?
Let me put things in their proper perspective.
During your grandfather's time, they would ask exam questions like:
In what year did Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka?
The correct answer was "1402", and they found that only 10% of the students managed to answer the question correctly. This didn't go down too well with the authorities, because the objective of the exams was to pass people.
I mean, what's the point of having exams if people fail?
So later, they found another way to ask the same question:
Parameswara founded the kingdomof Melaka in the year:
(a) 2001
(b) 2004
(c) 1986
(d) 1975
(e) 1402
Tick the correct answer.
The results were better in that 20% of the students passed. But it was still not good enough, so the authorities tried a different tact a few years later.
Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka in the year 1402. True or false?
Well, half of the students guessed "True" and the other half guessed "False". Fully 50% passed. The results were getting pretty acceptable by now.
Most other countries would be satisfied with a 50% passing rate, but not us. We are a better country, because we are a boleh country.The authorities then cracked their heads and then came out with this one:
Read the following sentence carefully.
"Parameswara, the cousin of Proton-Iswara, founded the kingdom of Melaka in the year 1402."
Underline the name of the person who founded Melaka.
60% underlined "Parameswara", 30% underlined "Proton-Iswara" and 10% underlined "1402". Hooiyoh......60% managed to pass! So krever!
But for some reason, the authorities were still not contented. So last year, they came out with this gem:
One day in the year 1402, Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka. Then he went home to have dinner. What did he eat?
13% handed in blank answers, 57% wrote "Maggi Mee", and 10% wrote "Kentucky Fried Chicken", and 20% wrote "Tree bark".
The official answer was "Food" of course!
After the marking was over, it was found that 87% of the students had passed. 87%............now that's pretty impressive!
So it's true. The students are indeed getting smarter. September 01 I think it's okay to make mistakes. Even lots of them, if we learn from them at least. =)
What brought about this sudden wisdom? =P
Playing the piano for the youth. xD First try, not my last. Not perfect, far from it even. But hey, I will learn. Hehehe. I will get used to it, I will serve. I will confront my fears. Okay, I guess most of the fears were already confronted last year when I played for the ISCF camp, so it wasn't so bad. Perhaps my five years will not go to waste then. =)
To God be the glory!
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