During tutorial class today, some of us cried.

Because it's been pent up so long, because we thought we were so strong, because we felt we could face our fights on our own, that our struggle doesn't belong to anyone else.

We were wrong.

I'm tired.

This is what I'd love to say to my Learning Support lecturer :

What is the big deal about learning support? If everyone's learning style is different, why are requirements being imposed on me to give you the type of answers you want documented neatly in essay/point form? Why do I have to assess myself and tell you exactly how I learn something, and why doesn't a simple explanation suffice? If my performance peaks in the morning, what's wrong with studying at night when I actually have the TIME to because mornings are filled with lectures? I've survived thus far through 12 years of morning session school. What reasons do you have to doubt my ability to study at night? Learning isn't something rigid, and it's not like I'm inflexible when it comes to studying. Am I supposed to give you a five-year plan on how I'm going to make sure I don't fail this course? And change my energy cycle just to make it seem credible?

Or are you going to suspect that I cheated if/when I do well in my exams, because reason dictates that I don't have enough revision time during my peak hours, since lectures are held then?

If the only way to measure my learning progress is by exams, so what? That's the Malaysian system anyway. If I measure my learning progress by exams, and I happen to score in them, would my answers in these redundant, detailed questionaires even MATTER? What if I happen to have this phenomenal memory, and I don't need things like mind-maps and note-taking to help me remember? What if I don't use fancy mnemonic tactics to score? What if my study habits are TERRIBLE but I pass every exam with flying colours? What if I already have superb time management that doesn't look superb on paper, but serves its purpose in college? What if I don't, or CAN'T write down the way I organize my priorities on paper, because it's instinctive to me?

Would you have anything else to say, then?

Give me an exam, and judge me then.

Julyan (my roommate) waltzes into the room singing a Chinese song that goes "Are you tired" in some part of the lyrics.

Just then, I get up from my seat in front of the laptop and go, "I'm tired of this".

She stares at me, laughs and tells me that she wasn't speaking to me.

I look at her in astonishment...I hadn't even heard what she sang. xD

I survey my choices, and shrug inwardly. My impatience urges me to opt for economy fast food over waiting for a fresh order of...nothing more than mere fried rice. Even if the menu boasts 20 different types of fried rice, 15 will probably be too spicy for my taste buds, leaving me to rotate among the remaining 5, and to be honest, all types taste the same anyway. Except for the spicy factor.

With 12 dishes to pick from (leftovers from today's lunch), the decision isn't a tough one to make. I have wised up from painful experiences. First, I eliminate everything that looks suspiciously red for fear that I'll suffer the consequences later. That leaves me with.....dunnoe, four or five dishes left. Out of the four or five dishes, three probably look/smell utterly disgusting, so they're out. The rest? The chosen ones. =P

This scenario repeats itself most days. If it isn't chicken, it's....fried chicken. If it isn't fried fish, it's fried egg. T.T I miss beef. I miss veges like kailan, sawi, and potato leaves. I miss non-spicy food, which doesn't leave you panting and crying. I miss boiled and steamed and roasted stuff.

But I'm a survivor. =P