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July 12 Just for Laughs.Here is an example of how an error got into te classified section of a small-town daily, and the more they tried to correct it, the more disastrous it became:
(Monday) FOR SALE-R.D Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone 555-0707 after 7p.m. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap.
(Tuesday) NOTICE-We regret having erred in R.D Jones's ad yesterday. It should have read : One sewing machine for sale. Cheap:555-0707 and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him after 7p.m..
(Wednesday) NOTICE-R.D Jones has informed us that he has received several annoying phone calls because of the error we made in his classified ad yesterday. His ad stands corrected as follows : FOR SALE-R.D Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 555-0707 and ask for Mrs. Kelly who loves with him.
(Thursday) NOTICE-I, R.D Jones, have NO sewing machine for sale. I SMASHED IT. Don't call 555-0707, as the telephone has been disconnected. I have NOT been carrying on with Mrs. Kelly. Until yesterday, she was my housekeeper, but she quit.
Lord, my soul is ripped with riot,
Incited by my wicked diet.
"We are what we eat," said a wise old man.
Lord, if that's true, I'm a garbage can.
I want to rise on Judgement Day, that's plain,
But at my present weight I'll need a crane.
So grant me strength that I may not fall
Into the clutches of cholesterol.
May my flesh with carrot curls be sated,
That my sould may be polyunsaturated.
ANd show me the light that I may bear witness
To the President's Council on Physical Fitness.
And oleo margarine I'll never mutter
For the road to hell is spread with butter.
And cream is cursed, and cake is awful,
And Satan is hiding in every waffle.
Mephistopheles lurks in provolone,
The devil in each slice of bologna.
Beelzebub is a chocolate drop,
And Lucifer is a lollypop.
Give me this day my daily slice
But cut it thin and toast it twice.
I beg upon my dimpled knees,
Deliver me from Jujubees
And when my days of trial are done
And my war with malted milks is won
Let me stand with the saints in heaven
In a shining robe, size thirty-seven!
I can do it, Lord, if You'll show to me
The virtues of lettuce and celery
If You'll teach me the evil of mayonnaise
The sinfulness of hollandaise
And pasta Millanese
And potatoes ala Lyonnaise
And crisp fried chicken from the South.
Lord, if You love me, SHUT MY MOUTH! |
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