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May 30 When God Ran.The title says it all.
When God Ran Music and Lyrics : Philips, Craig and Dean. Almighty God, the great I am CHORUS: The day I left home, I knew I’d broken His heart And then He ran to me, He took me in His arms BRIDGE: I saw Him run to me, He took me in His arms He ran to me, He took me in His arms May 28 At Limbo?I love being the middle child. I love the bouts of confusion, the nights of insomnia, the indecisiveness I am prone to. I find the corners of a room an easy way out for expressing my need to be alone. I love hiding when I don't feel up to facing the world. I love the way I feel like digging a hole and burying myself alive when I do or say something I instantly regret. I love being a people-pleaser, especially when I do succeed in pleasing everyone. I hate being in the wrong. Then again, people probably hate me for being in the right most of the time.
I love being able to view most things objectively and rationally. I love not writing poems. Why? Because my poems make me vulnerable to others. And sometimes I can't stand revealing so much. I love writing - that's one of the rare, few subjects I'm actually good in and enjoy. I feel super useless when I realize I've made an insensitive comment about something, and then others don't ever want to approach me on that particular subject again. And I feel like I suck at times, because all I seem to do when the going gets tough, is rant. If I were someone else, I'd probably tell this girl here to stop whining right now and grow up. GROW UP! Perhaps take a hike as well. Pfft.
I suck, I'm demented, I'm weird. Let me take a deep breath.
So to solve this problem, I'm shutting up, down, frontways and backways. Perhaps clams have better lives. Heh.
But in a strange way, I still love being May. And maybe, just maybe, subconsciously, I hate myself for that. xD
May 26 25 May. According to Bryan, a day to remember. xDMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
If there's a way to destroy me, that would be to make me (or rather, my heart) melt under an overdose of sweetness. =)
Everyone was so sweet to me on my birthday. In fact, I might have gotten even more attention than the teachers even though it was Teachers' Day. *smirks*
And if I dwell any longer on the memories, I might just end up looking like a puddle of melted chocolate. ;)
AAAWWW I just can't take it anymore. How can people be so sweet? I don't deserve it...I'm melting! xD
p/s The reason for the vagueness of the above entry is the simple fact that I've just written down a detailed account of my birthday in my journal. I haven't finished writing it yet, and it's already 5 pages long. xD May 23 Way cheem! xDWhy, you mad mustachio purple-hued maltworm, you! Even the worst four-letter words are boring and predictable when used as an insult. Don't be a lazy linguist - brush up on your Shakespeare!
Came across this droll article in the Reader's Digest. Lol. May 22 Choices.I have a choice at hand.
I can allow myself to be driven by my feelings and post something that would give me a lot of short-term satisfaction. I can relive that moment of frustration and spew out all the dissatisfaction, aggravation and indignation I felt this morning during assembly. I can write an award-winning essay belittling and demeaning the administration. I can do a lot of things to get my point across. To justify myself. I have power in my hands. I can be self-righteous and glory in the fact that I was right. That they aren't always right.
I can also decide to let it go. To save, rather than to humiliate. To forgive, to accept, to tolerate. To focus on Jesus and the mercy He showed me and forgive them their trash baskets against me.
I. Choose. To. Let. Go.
But it's so hard to swallow my pride.
But I have been driven by my feelings too much lately. I will not let my heart overwrite my head. No. May 20 Muahkss. xDI heard an interesting, juicy piece of gossip just the other day - concerning myself. -_-;
Seems that some people think there's something going on between me and Eddie. Hey, you don't have to tell me that, I know there IS something going on between us, just not exactly what you think it is. Hehe. When I told Eddie about it, he was slightly surprised and said kiddingly(I think)," Maybe we shouldn't be seen together so often."
Or it might have been caused by that Valentine's Day rose. I don't know. XD
So here goes : Our relationship is purely platonic. Platonic. Platonic platonic platonic. If you can't understand that word, use this online dictionary I'm very fond of (;P) and search for the definition.
But anyway, that piece of news started me thinking. How does one really describe that relationship between the both of us? Merely friends? No, definitely more than that. Good friends. Perhaps that'd be better. On the other hand, we argue and frustrate each other a lot too. Here's what happened the other night after a guessing game. Acronyms, actually.
Eddie's PM : May I Love Kissing You. XD Must I like kissing you?
May : ERASE THAT PM! My reputation is at stake!
Eddie's PM : May I Love Kissing You. XD Must I like kissing you? Why is your reputation at stake? Kissing me is not a bad thing you know.
!!! But even so, I couldn't help grinning at the ridiculousness and humour of the whole situation.
(Note to reader: I have NEVER kissed Eddie before and I am not planning to do so in the near or distant future.)
It's funny to see how we can fight and quarrel so much in a good-natured way. I think it's because we understand each other. And perhaps there's a little more than just understanding each other - there's a mutual caring. He can be so exasperating at times, yet he can be soooou sweet at others. To date, he has given me so many things : A Form 3 Science reference book, a rose, a box of sushi, um..let's see what else..project notes, help with my homework and the most important thing of all, his genuine friendship. Or at least I think it's genuine. xD
Eddie : All you need is a shoulder to lean on, not necessarily an intimate partner's, a best friend's would do. XD
May : Aww, you're so sweet. Where's that shoulder? I don't see it.
Eddie : Remind me on Monday.
Or in another instance, after reading what he wrote about why my dad was one of his favourite teachers, I smsed him.
May : ...Hey, my dad is good-looking? Lol.
Eddie : Yeah. Sure. Just like you.
May : Sucking up to me now eh? Tsk tsk. Be loyal to your W lah.
Eddie : W makes me sad. You do just the opposite.
(Note to reader: W is an unknown. To Eddie, everything is algebra or physics. XD)
Just a tribute to a very good friend. xD
May 16 I'm. Losing. A. Lot.Slimming centres will never be able to do my business.
Who needs slimming centres when EXAMS and COMPETITIONS can do the perfect job?! I didn't even ask for it, and I've lost weight over the past competition-exam-riddled month. Free services. Wow. That, is nawt a good thing. I'm already vertically challenged, and seriously, the anorexic look doesn't go well with my height. According to mum, even before the weight loss, I was, and still am too thin. She stares daggers at me when I complain that I don't have an appetite.
Okay, so weight isn't the only thing I've lost. To date, I've lost my sleep (insomnia attacks getting steadily worse), my Grade A average, and something tells me I've lost my brain as well. Must be all that draining of brain juice in the past week. Quoting Rachelle : I miss my brain! I haven't been doing last minute (one-day-before-exam last minute, mind you) studying for a long time already, and I'm having a hard time getting used to it. And also getting used to the miserable marks I most probably am going to get this semester.
But most of all, I feel that I've lost my relationship with God. I feel like I've drifted. So far. So distant. God has to be my first love and priority again. How can I put God in second place? Second place to my achievements and the things of the world? Like what Ps Jang said, people always want more of God, but what God wants is more of them. More of me. More of my time.
I'm coming back to the heart of worship. May 11 Hi, nice to meet you.I seem to be using conversational examples more and more in my blog entries. But they do serve to illustrate my point well, so who cares. xD
Larry : Your handshake is the same as your brother's. Very strong. *staring at his hand*
(According to Ray, as I found out later, Ray nearly broke his hand once to show off his strength while shaking his hand. xD No wonder the elicited comment.)
Nat : Owww! *flipping his hand* Very strong for a girl lah you.
So it wasn't the first time people have commented on my handshake. No, I don't purposely handcrush to assert my dominance (unless otherwise challenged to, and that doesn't happen often for girls). It's just natural for me to shake firmly. On my part, I don't understand people who give me cold, limp fish to shake. Uh, I mean hands. Sometimes you can't tell. xD
Fortunately, I happened upon a book in my uncle's house last year. I forgot what the title was, but the book was on the power of body language. There was even one section for handshakes.
Enlightenment at last. Contrary to my prior assumption that those who gave weak handshakes were softies at heart, I learnt that weak handshakes were related to certain professions. For example, surgeons, artists and musicians have to deal with delicate fingerwork in their line, hence the minimum squeezing when it comes to shaking hands. Of course, females in general, who are the more gentle counterpart, also give weaker handshakes, so my prior hypothesis IS also valid. xD Thou shalt not judge a person by his handshake.
Handcrushing, on the other hand (pun intended), are usually done by chauvinistic males who want to assert their dominance. These bruisers are all out to prove themselves, and even in handshaking, they seek to intimidate and hurt. You get the idea. (And I do not handcrush. u_u)
My handshake is the business-like handshake, which involves a firm, brief, downward tug with a lot of eye contact and smiling. It says a lot, provided anyone actually bothers to read my mind when they shake my hand, that is. =P My handshake is intended to get across the message: Hey, I'm genuinely interested in you. I'm your equal. I'm your buddy. Pleased to meet you.
Having said that, I hope that guys will finally realize how come I either try to match their strength in handshaking or expect their handshake to be as firm as mine. Of course, with this knowledge, now I know better than to cause any doctors, musicians and/or graphic designers (Roy!) in church grief with my strong handshake. xD
I'll prepare some cold fish. May 10 Miniskirts anyone?Here's another amusing incident that took place two weeks ago. Yes, a lot of stuff amuses me. xD Anyway, this happened in Pn Ng's car on the way back from debate after our loss. The topic was originally about scars.
May : I have a foot-long scar on my thigh, but you can't really see it now. It's barely visible.
Bryan : Is that why you never wear miniskirts?
I was rather peeved. In fact, the feeling was similar to what I felt when that Kuching Town debator verbally sexually harassed me during debate (but that's another story xD). Amy answered for me.
Amy *grinning*: No, she's the kind who wouldn't wear miniskirts even if she didn't have a scar.
Bryan : Then how do you expect to attract guys in the future?
Aargh. He asked that question so innocently that I almost missed the undertone of cheekiness. His charm must have been working on me, because I couldn't think of a reply witty enough for that. Either that, or I was too tired from all that debating already. But Pn Ng, who was driving in front, didn't miss a beat.
Pn Ng *chuckling* : Bryan, that's not called "attracting", that's called "seducing"!
Lol. Bryan, Bryan. Tsk tsk tsk. Not that he needs to be attracted anyway, he's a girl magnet! xD Currently in the top 3 handsomest young men in SMKJA (I don't know who the other two are, but this is just to avoid stroking his ego), he probably has more girls twisted around his little finger than he even realizes.
Author's disclaimer : Just not this girl. Hehe. May 08 Future Chinese Poet.I was doing my english paper today when I suddenly discovered some more potential in myself - in writing Mandarin poems.
This is what happens when one has too much time left over and is resigned to whatever results one gets. Even in English. So I decided that I liked Mandarin more. xD
And wow, my name sounds like a continuation of the poem. How appropriate. Hehe.
我 感觉到
您
有种沮丧.
但我
不明白为何.
您
不说,不告.
您
正瞒什么?
您
嘻嘻哈哈,
丰富的幽默感. 但您
也藏不了
那份哀伤.
打开一下
您的心.
让我了解,
接近您.
-爱全-
May 03 The big day.Bad part or good part first?
Not that I have time for you to come to a decision anyway. xD Well, they always say, "save the best for the last". So here goes:
The worst part: I SUCKED. Relatively. In the impromptu speech. I AM SO DISGUSTED BY MY LACK OF MATHEMATICAL KNOWLEDGE. I'd better go read up on how many zeros a million has. Because I actually claimed that half a million was 50 thousand. Yes. For those of you who actually had the impression (sadly, now an illusion) that I was brilliant, this is the ugly truth - I am dim-witted. This is what I get for 16 years of my math-hating attitude. And yeah, another thing was the fact that with my soft heart (ah ah, don't tell me I'm deluded, I'm so not in the mood xD), I'd probably devote my time to making other people's lives happier with that one million than spending it on myself. So uh, that doesn't leave me with a lot to say about how I'd spend my money. Oh well.
At least I was prepared for the reality that the impromptu speech part would bring me down. I was never good in impromptu stuff anyway.
ALRIGHT. Enough moping. The best part : (forgive my ego-stroking, but I just have to say this) I rocked in the prepared speech. In fact, I rocked so much that the stage came crashing down. Actually, NO. But, my prepared speech was the most interesting and the most well-presented (in my humble opinion, of course)among the other contestants. I am rational. I do not make outrageous claims (besides that 50 thousand is equivalent to half a million thing).Okay, just in case you need some proof, 80% had cue cards in their hands, 90% didn't express themselves well with body language and about 70% had really really boring topics. Hey, I'm not being nasty. I'm just stating the fact of the matter here. And yeah, the fact that my prepared speech went well, is also one of the factors I could get *drumroll* 3rd place. Because, as I said earlier, I REALLY SUCKED IN THE IMPROMPTU SPEECH. By my standards.
And that oh-so-cynical angmoh judge was sooou sweet when he commented about my speech during the "any comments" time. He said : .....Now I know why my wife acts the way she does. Thank you. And everyone was so amused. xD
If you want any more info on the cynical angmoh judge, just ask anybody else present, for instance, Amy. I shall reserve my comments on him. Haha.
Oh and yeah, to the fallen debaters of SMKJA, I avenged us! MUAHAHAHA! You get what I mean. XD
Here's another interesting incident that I found very amusing.
May: Larry (BL representative), do you know Ray?
Larry: Ray? Ray Yap?
(and then his eyes strayed to my nametag)
Larry: OMG, you're Ray's sister! I've never met Ray's sister before!
May: Uh, yeah, I never met you before either.
Larry: I'm Larry. Nice to meet you.
He acted as if Ray was a celebrity or something. xD Makes me wonder what my brother had been up to in his years at BL. I know he's rather infamous, but the stories never reached home. Haha.
May 02 So True. Muahaha.
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