I'm not getting enough sleep, and I have very good reasons for my claim.

 

You tell me how I'm supposed to get enough sleep with my mum getting mad at me TWICE, physics paper being on the next day and my revision being sadly incomplete, my brother coming out and telling me he is gay, and my public speaking competition being held on the very next day even though I'm totally unprepared.

 

Before you go all !!!!, they were nightmares. That's why I haven't been getting enough sleep lately. =P No, RAY IS NOT GAY. Too bad for all you paparazzi.

 

Nightmares. Brrrrh. And the last one about public speaking? I had a recurrence of that dream last night, and it left me with a splitting headache this morning. It's a great relief to wake up and realize that it's just a nightmare, but then that relief sorta dissipates after you realize that you're awake, and if you're anything like me, the probability that you're going to go back to sleep beyond the alpha stage is about , say, nil.

 

I'm not trying to be ungrateful. XD

 

I don't think I'd like to know how Freud would interpret my dreams. But it's weird that I seem to be showing symptoms of being over-stressed. I mean, thinking about physics even in my subconscious?! Maybe I am over-stressed. Quoth Ing Thian : The way you study, you make me look very free.

 

Blah, and my public speaking competition is coming up right in the middle of exams. Good thing the subject I'll be replacing is English. =P

 

I'm on a one-way street to Nerd-dom. Oh, I forgot - I'm already the Queen of Nerd-dom. *SIGH*

 

And Ray is perfectly straight. Just in case you missed that statement the first time round. xP

 

Someday, I say,

The longing

resonating

my heart

quietly aching

If only someday

came today.

 

Someday, you say,

We'll realize

white-washed hopes and painted dreams

of dancing in the rain,

sunshine and ice-cream,

the warmth of gold and purple hues

splashing across the sunset.

 

But we both know

remains someday

not tomorrow, not today

With wistful smiles

and wishful hearts

We'll trace promises in sand

and say

Maybe someday.

I was studying my Biology today when I came across this. Okay, I really CAME ACROSS this. My itchy fingers decided to take a rifle through the pages. =P

 

22. What is permenstrual syndrome (PMS)?

 

Answer:

-Premenstrual syndrome (PMS) is a group of symptoms linked to the menstrual cycle. It is a combination of psychological, and mood disturbances that occurs after a woman's ovulation and normally ends with the onset of her menstrual flow.

 

-PMS can affect menstruating women of any age. It is different for each woman. About 80% of women experience some features of PMS. The causes of PMS are not clear. It is linked to the changing hormones during the menstrual cycle. However, the intensity varies. In some cases it can be so severe that domestic and work harmony is threatened. (Read : Some women become such bitches that living with them is impossible both in the home and at work.)

 

-PMS leads to disruptive emotional and physical symptoms such as acne, feeling tired, having trouble sleeping, upset stomach, bloating, constipation, or diarrhea, headache or backache, breast swelling and tenderness, appetite changes, joint or muscle pain, trouble concentrating or remembering, tension, irritability, mood swings, or crying spells and anxiety or depression.

 

Check. Check. Check. C...Read between the lines. =P

 

Man, that sounds like being pregnant even to me. On another note, GUYS! Be thankful you don't have PMS! And we girls don't ask for much....just understand us. LOL.

 

Okay, I know I just demanded for the moon. XD

I wonder how far I can push you all.

 

I wonder what your breaking point is.

 

I wonder if you'll hate me by the end of this competition.

 

I wonder if the motivation exists.

 

I wonder if I have the ability to salvage anything.

 

I wonder if it's too late, if the script's too lame anyway, if the script's too short anyway. (Not even a solid basic foundation. *sigh*)

 

I'm sick. =P (just for some sympathy votes)

 

My exam's in two miserable weeks, and I'm getting depressed already.

 

With all the "anyways" swimming through my mind, I wonder if it's worth it.

 

I don't think I have a choice anyway. I have to do what's right. =(

 

P.s Do you know who you're competing against? Some more cold water. Brrr.

Some questions in life keep on popping up if you don't resolve them right there and then.

 

For me, the question of whether I'm living up to God's standards of holiness bugs me. I wouldn't go as far as to say it bugs me ceaselessly - we all know how easy it is to forget that God is watching us all throughout the day. But anyway.

 

During Church Camp this year, I was prayed for by Dr Ng, and his choice of words was interesting. Basically, he prayed that "all the things that confuse her now will be made known to her throughout the course of growing up". I suppose I am confused. By many things. But especially by double standards.

 

I notice that people tend to criticize Christians more than they do any other religion. I don't see Muslims pointing fingers at Buddhists and calling them hypocrites, that's for sure. =/ Weird. You may argue that Buddhists don't promise to have a level of conduct higher than that of the general population, but then Christians don't make promises either. It's sort of expected that Christians be more holy than the average population. I'd like to know why.

 

I believe in the power of peer pressure, and I believe that good, Godly friends are essential for building each other up. I choose not to be too close to certain people lest I start acting like them. I'm not saying certain people are worse than others, but I'm sure you'll agree with me that there are some who ACT more unsavourily. In other words, I pick and choose who I can hang out with - and I'm not proud to say that I tend to cut off friends who may be of no benefit to my character.

 

It is so hard to remain in this world, and not OF this world, hence my way of solving this problem is to cut myself off from worldly influences as much as I can. As a result, I may come across as an aloof character in certain settings. My dad once said of me, "May, you'll never become a missionary at this rate."

 

He has a point. But then again, if I were to mix around with people who are fickle and idle, I dare say I'll become one of them in no time. Even as I look around now, there are certain activities I'm not sure I should be indulging in - activities that don't have a certain "right" or "wrong" branding about them. Yet if I don't join the gang, how am I ever going to fit in? I cannot fit in if everyone regards me as the "holy one" who agrees and respects authority/similarly uncool stuff - which would be a lie in itself anyway. Is criticizing the teacher "wrong"? Not exactly, after a lot of rationalization. And I find myself very, very good in rationalizing. Which is a dangerous thing, to say the least.

 

And if I can't fit in, who's going to listen to me anyway? Not that I even bother to fit in, so this is just a rhetorical question.

 

This topic also brings to mind my priorities. I can feel myself going back into the Exam Overdrive Mode, the very same one I geared into during Form 3. I tend to place social activities as a far second to my studies now, and I'm steeling myself for some very serious studying. Just one year, I tell myself. There are also other unforeseen circumstances affecting my priorities list as well, and I plan to study even harder to overcome these obstacles. 3 words with the root word of "study" in one paragraph. How scary.

 

I guess it'll suffice to say that I won't be a very fun person to talk to this year. =P