What comes to mind when you hear the phrase "acting cute"? One of Sonia's posts on this "cutesy" topic immediately comes to mind. XD But I'd like to go one step further.

 

Brrrrrr...none of that "acting cute" stuff for me, thank you. But to answer my own question, here are a few things that come to mind (bear in mind, the people I'll refer to are mostly, if not totally from the product of the XX chromosome):

 

 

The thing is, guys normally like girls who act like this, and believe it or not, this is what they say about them : She's cute.

 

*chills in the process of going up my spine, but anyway.

 

I wonder if the word "cute" has been overused and abused already. I have had a few instances where guys called me "cute", and found out soon enough that I was nothing near cute. xD Take, for example, EDDIE. As far as my memory serves, this is an excerpt from what he said to me when he first met me approximately 3 years ago.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I only realized how much I needed physical contact the other day. Induction : I came to the realization that all human beings need some kind of physical contact - to a certain degree. Touching is good - healthy touching, of course. Thanks, Sonia, for giving me what I needed when I needed it most.

 

Sometimes comforting words don't matter that much, reasoning falls on deaf ears and arguments don't make sense anymore. That's when a simple hug or shoulder grip or a comforting arm around the shoulders does the trick. I don't know why, but it does seem that human beings are wired to respond to touch. Just the knowledge that you can lean on someone for a change, to be shielded from any problem for at least a while, to just depend, to hold on to something for support, is therapeutic beyond words. Yeap, words can be superfluous at times.

 

Perhaps that's why girls like guys who can provide them with a sense of security. Most girls, at least. Being the more emotionally-inclined counterpart, that's no big surprise.

 

Anyway, I also realized that guardians need to be guarded. I see myself as a guardian for a few close friends, a stable part of their lives if and when they need some stability. But nobody, not even guardians, can ever be totally free from emotions themselves, confusing and draining emotions. So guardians have to be guarded as well.

 

So to conclude, I have a guardian too. And I'm glad to have one. A hug or an encouraging grip whenever I need it, free of charge. XD  Oh, and aroma therapy too. ;) 

 

God, thank You for friends. And guardians. People who represent You on earth, a comfort to those in sorrow and sometimes, just a fellow supportive sojourner.

I'm not really sure when exactly it hit me that I was a Form 4er, and technically 16 years old already. But when it did, a lot of things started to change. For one, the fact that I am already a senior (relatively lah) be it in the school or in EYM, did change a little of my mindset. I remember looking up to seniors and wondering about their level of confidence and the aura of self-possession that they erm...possessed. Now, it's my turn. Who knows, perhaps there are younger ones who actually look up to me, so I'd better act like I know my way around. Four years liao in SMKJA, I think it's really high time I acted like I BELONGED to the school. XP

 

On a lighter note, here's what I love about being in Form 4.

 

I love taking math terms and putting them in a linguistical context. Take, for example, the term "exponential". I learnt this word just today in Add Math Chap 5 - indices and logarithms. So, I decided to post a shoutout on my friendster profile : I am an exponential. Because you do not know what power I have - in Jesus. ;)

 

That's just one example. I've had a lot of fun with half-truths in math using the connector "or". I just can't believe what the government is trying to do - desensitizing us to lies, or half-truths, suit yourself. XD Take, for instance, Ali is a girl or a boy. That sentence is true even though half of it is false. Lol! For all the Pendidikan Moral drilling, the fact that lies are accepted, and even ENCOURAGED is beyond me.

 

That's the nice part of growing up and studying in Form 4. Here's the other side of it :

 

You start having to comprehend that every line is an equation, everything is chemistry (except perhaps your last BGR, which I don't have a right to judge XD), careless mistakes can cost you your test paper's LIFE, and you just can't help falling in love - with your fx-570 ms Casio calculator, of course.

 

You start realizing that you're not as smart as you think, and actually feel rather dumb. Especially when others seem to understand concepts in the twinkling of an eye while you're left out in the cold. The oh-so-terrible Malaysian education system hits you right on the head and perhaps, even knocks out an eye. XD

 

OKay, it's high time I stopped blaming that perfect education system and just accept the fact that I'm incapable. Hehe.

 

Life is good. XD

 

 

If only I could scan out the stuff we drew on our scrapbook. And post it here. Lol.

 

Well, I've been in camp for the past 4 days, and I'll be away at church camp for another 3 more days 2 days later. XD

 

I was pre-appointed Group Leader and Kennedy, my Assistant GL for the Purple Team, aka Barney and friends. LOL! We had so much fun even though we were known as the Quiet Quiet Fleshy Potato (diam-diam ubi berisi) team. Here are my fantastic group members :

1= Jordan ( the joker in our team, constantly forgetting his nametag (that's the work of the devil, XP). )

2= Mark (Metamorphoumai extreme! And Best Male Camper award too! And don't let him near the microphone! XP)

3= Jwern (The so-called-angel-by-Mac who was dropped into our group because of certain conditions. And Best Squad Leader for last year's Boot Camp, so no wonder we did pretty well.)

4= Melissa ( The exotic drama queen who's an athlete as well as the first one to get through the smugglers border. You go, girl!) 

5= Mabel ( Kecil-kecil cili padi. Mark's cute sister who definitely loved the ocean. If given a choice, I think she'd have stayed at camp forever.)

 

Guys, with an additional 3 members on our team, we definitely outnumbered the others. XD

 

SO, after the introductions are done, we'll go on to the activities. First day, we had our first session with Pastor Daniel (aka Pastor Jang on account of his beard), then the Amazing Race :Digging for buried treasure - with our bare hands). Here are the comments fetched.

 

I'm not complaining, but...the drive was too long, the rice was slightly burned, and James wasn't strict enough. (old-school, man. XD)

It was fun lah, can't wait for tommorow, tai hao wan le! Yup, I agree James is too lenient this year. (Last year everyone was complaining that James was too strict. I think we just love to complain. *snicker*)

There was no birthday cake at the Red Dragon too. (this one has to be from Mark, the birthday boy. Haha)

 

During the first workshop, we learnt how to make AYAM PANSUH! And had it for dinner that night. XD

During the second workshop that same evening, we had a sort-of discussion about compromise. The topics were rather controversial and we were asked to be honest to ourselves. Hehe. Don't tell our parents, but...

 

 

Copy if the person sitting in front of you is a clever dude. If not, then better do yourself. (as this was presented by Jwern, other campers were saying that everyone'd would want to copy Jwern's answers, not the other way round.LOL!)

 

There were a few more questions, but you get the idea. It was fun bonding with our teammates and discussing real-life issues with different perspectives. XD

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Pastor Jang continues with the sessions, and we had one session on Prayer. In it, we prayed aloud and as a team. This was the most meaningful session to me, as I could feel God in our presence as we all joined hands and prayed. 2 hours just went by like 30 minutes.

 

Then, we had a bible-quiz after that. If anyone got an answer wrong, then we'd have to put a bite-sized sponge soaked in vinegar into our mouth for the duration of the quiz, or at least until half-time. The questions were so...I mean, who cares how many children Job had after he went through the disasters and God blessed him? But it was kinda fun in a sense. XD

 

After tea, we had the Obstacle course, where we had to cross a river, fill a gunny-sack with sand, cross back to the delta and build a cuboid sandcastle that reached a certain height. Our flag got stolen, but by perseverance, we got it back. XD If I'm not mistaken, our team got third place for this activity.

 

That night, we had Smugglers. Everyone was looking forward to this activity, as last year's was rather fun, even though nobody managed to complete the mission officially. Only Jwern and Isaac got through last year, and both couldn't remember their memory verse! This year, they were rather lenient on the border, as they wanted us to focus on the real purpose of the game : to byheart verses. Well, in THIS particular activity, the BARNEY team WON! Woohoo! We had six runs, two by Jwern, one each by Kennedy, Melissa, Jordan and Mark. WE managed to prove Mac wrong because he thought that we were the weakest team. I mean, we DID outnumber other teams by three supernatural beings, didn't we? XD

 

Comments fetched :

My neck was painful when I first woke up, felt like somebody punched me in the back more than once, and is still doing that. I think I should write some poetic thing to some girls lah. Maybe that's why I don't have any girlfriend for the past....few...days...I almost felt sorry for James. He should be more romantic. HAHAHA LOL. (after a session with James admiting that he had a girlfriend once, and after the ps Daniel told us how it was to be in love. )

The barney team finally won in Smugglers night! (I love you, you love me, we're one happy family...) (This was our official team song and we did manage to annoy quite a few people by just singing it over and over. XD)

JAMES HATES ME! Why me? Ahh..James hasn't forgiven me for last year's comment! ( I commented that James was adorable last year and well, I think he didn't like it. XD. That's why he was looking forward to seeing me eat that vinegar-soaked sponge and gloated when I FINALLY got a question wrong.)

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We were rattled by God in the sessions by Pastor Jang. Prayer became the focus of the entire camp, and we did a LOT of that. Some Form-5ers went down to Kuching to get their SPM results, including Jwern, so our team was short by one person. Anyway, we carried on through the treasure hunt and sadly, came in fourth. During workshop that day, Mac washed our feet, one by one, just like what Jesus did in John 13:5. Many of us were touched by this gesture.

 

I was exhausted today because of the accumulated fatigue. I mean, try running around and jumping and doing push-ups when you don't do them on a regular basis, or in my case, more like once in a blue BABOON. Jordan kept asking me to REST, because I couldn't sit still for more than a few minutes before taking control of the group again. I mean, group leader wad, you have to be responsible. So I tried to rest as much as I could. Even though Camp Idol would be held the very next day. SO you can see why I was a little stressed, since Jwern wasn't clued in about our act as he went to get his results earlier (btw, he got 11A1s, straight.).

 

Comments fetched:

Melody can become a dictator or the next Hitler. (just in case you don't understand, Melody asked us to do 15 pushups and 15 frog jumps in between singing Negaraku and running back and forth during treasure hunt)

There was also a drawing of Barney smiling, and a statement there saying "The Barney Smile".

 

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CAMP IDOL!! Okay, this I'll keep to myself, as to narrate what all six teams did would be too long. The last day of camp had us rolling in laughter, cheering and having too much fun. XD We also gave out awards for the Best Team, Best Male Camper and Best Female Camper.

 

Best Team Award went to.....THE BARNEY TEAM! I was shocked. I mean, I was expecting it to go to Orange Team, or at least Yellow Team, but instead, we got it! But more importantly, what I treasure most were the remarks made by my own group members. I told them straight out that I thought Orange or Yellow would get it, but GUESS what they said : NO lah, I think we're the best team. WOW. Talk about confidence, especially since we didn't win most of the challenges. I SO love my team members.

 

Best Male Camper went to MARK!!!! From our team!!! BUT DON't LET HIM NEAR THE MICROPHONE! lol...Mark was the ultimate transformation at camp. From his 15 years of silence and keeping to himself, he metamorphosed into the centre of attention. During campfire night, he actually went up to share THREE times! That's why Mac said he'd never let him near the microphone again. Mark just couldn't get enough of the microphone. XP And we found out that he has SKILL with the guitar too! Man...I myself was shocked. Really awed.

 

Best Female Camper went to Alicia Eng, who managed to adapt to camp life even though this was her first time. She even DIRECTED the Yellow Team during their skit practices. So she deserved the Best Camper award.

 

Anyway, closing comments:

I love the skit, very funny....Who knew that flies and mosquitoes could hold guns and become pai kia?

And last but not least, from me :

 

 

 

And here I am, at the end of two excruciating weeks. I'm surprised that I'm even alive. Well, one consolation is that Survival Camp 2007 can't be much harder on my mental state than what I've gone through already. I'll be off tommorow, so I just wanted to leave a few words here thanking all my friends who've been a saving grace.

 

To Amy, who has always been a wise counsellor, I thank you for your wisdom and presence of mind to stop me from doing something I'd regret. Even when I felt like leaving everyone blind. They do say that an eye for an eye leaves everyone blind. Nevermind.

 

Anyway, I also feel obliged to thank my good friend, Eddie. He's been a life-saver and the kind of friend who'd stand up for you even when the going gets tough. True friends who'd go to the trouble to defend you are hard to find. And I'll never be able to repay him for what he's done for me. I'm grateful. Very. Eddie, hear that? XD Oh and thanks again for vouching for me in you-know-what today. You must be trying to make me fall in love with you, right? Lol, jkjk.

 

I also have a friend who will cry FOR me. In turn, I'd do anything humanly possible to elevate her pain/hurt, if she had any. Even to the point where I embarrassed myself because of an unfounded fear before. Bittersweet memories.

 

And to the dear 17-year-old baby brother I never had, HAPPY BIRTHDAY on this GLORIOUS 9th March. I bet you're still reeling in confusion about the crisis/complicated matter, but well, some things are best left unexplained. Nothing can change the past, so let's just forget it. And you've been a great friend too. AND don't you dare complain that this paragraph is too short. u_u *wink*

 

It's heart-warming to know that there are still rational beings left in the world. XD

 

Want to know the source of my anguish? Click here, see the arguments, and I won't even have to lift a finger.

I'm not going to fight non-existent battles. Or battles who have morons in them. Morons who just can't understand the simple fact that I DID NOT COMPLAIN ABOUT THE TEACHER, NEITHER DID ANYONE ELSE, AND EVEN IF I DID (WHICH I DID NOT DO), I'D STILL BE IN THE RIGHT.

 

 

But nevermind. Morons were born morons, and probably will remain morons for the rest of their lives. You'll have to answer to my Big Daddy in Heaven some time in the future for that propaganda and backstabbing. Hehe. And I'll be standing next to him, obviously in the right, and looking on with a smug smile on my face.

 

I'm sleeping well tonight. XD

 

 

 

 

 

 

So if he's not totally wrong, and I'm not totally right, what does that equate?

 

 

Answer = Letting go for both him and us.

 

I was sitting in BC class today. It's been a hectic week for me, especially with all the emotions, frustration, annoyance and indignity. A lot can happen in one week. My temper hasn't been lost in a quite a while, but I almost lost it the other day - or perhaps every other day this week. And not without reason.

 

So, the BC teacher was explaining the origin of a proverb. Or perhaps an adage. OR some well-known saying, I'm really not sure. This whatever-sentence originated from a poem, which was so difficult to understand that we couldn't even pronounce the AUTHOR'S name. After going through a lengthy explanation, we finally understood that the poem was just describing some random scenery that happened somewhere. (Or at least, that was the conclusion I came to, because after discussing with Amy, we both were wondering WHAT on earth was the big deal about some random scenery that the poet happened to visualize.)

 

Feeling very peeved, I announced that I might just write some DEEP english poem one day for those chinese-educated people to understand. Especially a poem that has a wide scope of interpretation. And Amy came up with an EVEN better proposition : Why not write one right now about *ahem ahem*?

 

So I did. Here's the masterpiece that started in BC class and ended when I was washing the dishes at 9pm.

 

 

The injustice of one man

Done openly, plain

For all to see.

The lack of conscience

The absence of shame.

 

Complicated

The feeling of hatred.

Irrationally set

Against imaginary enemies

In a place where logic flees.

 

Emotions run wild,

Fluctuate.

Where once was tolerance

Now negation of love.

 

Will we ever understand

How hatred can consume a man?

 

-may yap-