One learns a lot in a year.

 

I learnt that life isn't cut out to suit one perfectly, so well, just bear with it and make the best out of things. Changing my autopilot would be easier than trying to change my circumstances.

 

I learnt that the people you like may not like you as much, and that the people you don't like usually don't like you as well. XD (At least still better than disliking someone who idolizes you.)

 

And everyone has their own life, so it's an art to keep out of it.

 

Everyone thinks they are right at one time or another, so really, there's no right and wrong, there are just preferences and opinions. No point arguing, they think the same way about you...lol.

 

Hardly anyone at this age finds their true love, and the guy/girl you're crushed on almost never return that feeling, nor do you ever wanna return the feelings of those who happen to be crushed on you. Ironic. =P  

 

And I learnt that I had sides of me that I didn't even know. They only started manifesting themselves this year, or that I know of anyway. Perfectionist, more mood swings and maternal instincts. XD  Hey, I still don't call every kid I meet on the street cute. u_U

 

Yeah, and if you actually set your heart to doing something, you usually find it easier to conquer. Determination and passion is all that counts. Practice makes perfect. Only maths...*sigh* I can't seem to force myself to like it, so what to do?

 

I learnt that I'm becoming more and more like my mum now! *shocked speechless* Used to think I was more like my dad. Oh well, healthy mixture of both I suppose. Lol.

 

I have an intuition...that sucks, but I'm improving!

 

And yeah, I learnt to use my left hand...lol. Accounts for all the more sentimental parts of me and the intuition I guess. Hehe.

 

Pride destroys. Enough said. XP

 

Last but not least : I am a girl. WOW...what a tremendous revelation...*snicker*

 

 

 

I was reminded of my family history just the other day, and yes, it's kinda mind-boggling to know that one little difference might have made a very big impact.

 

Like for instance, if I weren't that low-maintainance baby I was, my parents wouldn't have had my sister. I'm starting to regret being such a guai kid now. =P Certain things are soou hard to grow out of. *waxing eloquent* I'll never grow out of the people-pleasing tendency forever. *sigh*

 

My bro was not exactly what you'd call a parent-pleaser. I mean, from the very day he was born, he made such a difficult entry into the world. C-section birth. -_-' Besides that, yeap, he was high-maintainance, demanding and a typical...toddler I guess, who enjoyed kissing his sisters just to make me peeved. Now that I think of it, he was kinda cute in a way. A maniacal way.

 

And then....*ahem* my parents had me (And they were sorely disappointed that I came out looking like a *cough* bulldog). They were prepared for the worst, waking up in the wee hours of the morning to meet my needs as their experience with Ray had taught them to. What a pleasant shock they got when they found out that I would just sleep through the night without crying or pooping. In fact, I might add that of all the siblings, I was the easiest birth for my mum. Only my dad wasn't there to welcome me into the world. How...disappointing. But I've gotten over that already. XD

 

With this pleasant experience dealing with me, my parents decided to have Rene. Yes, if I had been as difficult as Ray, they'd have stopped at the perfect number, 2, and the perfect match, one oldest son and second daughter. You know lah, chinese feng shui...jkjk. Rene, was an unbelievably beautiful baby girl, and I have photos of her to prove that fact.

 

Sometimes I wonder how different things would be if I had been a little more demanding. A whole bedroom to myself (and a TIDY one at that), no sharing my stuff, no having to get my blood pressure high every now and then, no being forced to boss and nag at all, no lost sleep, etc. And no quarrelling over computer privileges. Wow.

 

THEN again, the negative side effects : I would have been spoiled, would never learn to cope with the stress of being overlooked, never learn to tolerate, never learn to be generous and forgiving (still learning, don't look at me like that). I would most likely not understand why people do things the way I do NOT like them to be done. In fact, I still don't understand, but the most important thing is, I've learnt to be more patient.

 

And I wouldn't be able to see how much of an impact I have on a person's life. People do say that my sister talks exactly like me and that our kuan is very similar. =) I would never have somebody to share secrets with and chat to late at night about my deepest secrets and feelings. I would have lost a best friend. Or more precisely, would never have had one.

 

So let's just say the pros outweigh the cons. XD

 

May, the next time you feel like you know everything about something, try writing a book about it. That'd keep you in check.

 

If God entrusted you with a few talents, that's really 'cause He knows that you can manage 'em without bragging. So cut that out.

 

Nothing you ever thought belonged to you alone was really yours.

 

There are plenty of other people you admire, so stop comparing yourself to those you don't, and start striving to improve for yourself and God. Don't get satisfied with yourself too soon.

 

Never put the situation in front of relationships.

 

Ask yourself all the time : What Would Jesus Do?

 

 

p/s And if you get depressed thinking about all your faults, remember that you're still unique.

 

 

 

 

I’ve just come back from prayer meeting tonight. My heart is still stuck in my throat and I am feeling like the most blessed person in the world.

 

Normally, I wouldn’t have cared about what’s going on in other countries, but tonight we had a pastor from Pontianak, Indonesia and he shared his life with us. He had three sons and the eldest, Emmanuel (11), suffered from some thyroid problem, possibly goiter.

 

Emmanuel went for two operations before, but somehow, in the course of the operation, got infected, so his problem was never fully cured. Now he’s suffering from tonsillitis, which might have stemmed from the previous sickness. Every month or so, he gets sick with fever, and his medicine costs around RM 300 or so…that’s like HALF his dad’s salary as a pastor. Pastors don’t earn much. And they don’t trust Indonesian doctors, so Pastor Bakri has to come down to Kuching (12-hour-ride on the bus) to get medicine for him. So we were asking, why not just send him for an operation and cure the tonsillitis? Well, financial problems, as one could expect. RM 2500 is a really BIG amount. For a pastor, this is an unaffordable luxury. My faith would be shaken in times like these, but we have these giants of faith here who set an example, a brave example.

 

Can you imagine a kid, suffering like that, and a young pastor, undergoing persecution from within and without having to suffer along?

 

Yea, that brings me to the second thing. Christians in Indonesia are being persecuted, for all the ‘secular government’ claims. In certain parts of the country, Muslim militants are killing, yes, murdering Christians just for being Christians. Extremism is the name of their game.

 

And now, the Indonesian government passed a new law. They can't even set up a church without getting at least 90 signatures on paper. I mean, if just one or two Muslims live around that area, you can just forget about setting up a church. They are THAT strict about these stuff. Secular huh?

 

And with these kinda restrictions on the Christians, they actually ALLOW Jehovah Witnesses (there, those angmoh guys usually dressed immaculately on bicycles who come to knock on your door once in a blue moon) to infiltrate the churches and try to convert others. It's a cult, and yes, people did try to notify the authorities, but they just turned a blind eye to these proceedings.

 

With these such happenings, how can one not wonder, why isn't God doing anything? Why is He keeping silent? Is He still in control? Where is God when it hurts? Does He even care?

 

But yes, I do believe He's still in control. And He, will do things in His own time. And also, that He knows our every cry and tear. And that He loves us.

Hehe, SPM today : BI.

 

The topic my brother chose for his essay was : The changes I want to see in my life.

And I found out that the other topics given were equally, if not even easier than that. I mean, "Food". "An Unforgettable Weekend" (or something to that effect, perhaps it was "memorable weekend".)

 

Anyway, given those choices, how can one not pick the one my bro chose? Hehe, even I'd pick that topic. At lunch, we were all laughing about the absurdity and low standards of the SPM in BI. This entry was inspired by my dad, who cracked a joke about what my bro could write about the topic he chose. I love my xiao lang family.

 

[The changes I want to see in my life? Well, I want to be a pondan. I'd love to see the world from a girl's point of view for once. Then, I'll go to Thailand and join the Aqua dancing troupe. Swing here, swing there. Nice change of life!]

 

XD. Too much time and too little recreation. My posts are getting weirder and weirder nowadays.

 

Anyway, to reply your comment, KM, lemme just assure you that I love to sing, dance, play the piano, match my clothes,(and uh, what other "girly" stuff do I enjoy doing....now this is a really tough question) and oh yeah, COOK. I even handwash my own clothes if necessary. In fact, did you know that my formal wear ( I have loads of those) consist of knee-length and longer, mostly tailored skirts and ladylike blouses? Actually, if you think hard enough, you might be able to visualize me in a skirt and I'll still appear like the same ol' May I am. Because I am the uh, whaddaya call 'em, the dignified type. XD 

 

I mean, you've seen me in a pinafore wad. Oh yeah, and one more little fact : I wear skirts to church. Often.

 

The only thing is, my life doesn't revolve around makeup, lip gloss, the way I look, gossip, the latest hot tunes, the coolest hp model, the hottest male star on TV, tabloids, and oh-so-cute boys. *gag* I am a girl in certain aspects, okay? Just not a typical one. Hehe. Get that in your head.

 

Now is this too much info to take in all at once? I hope you don't lose your jaw now, with it hanging so low already. XP

 

 

Yeap, and as you've probably guessed already, just finished another rerun of the famous "Lion King" yesterday. I love it. Timeless and I'll probably never grow out of it. XD  Wait wait, I feel another urge to burst into song..=P

 

 

Yeah and if you happen to be passing by my neighbourhood and hear these strains of beautiful melody floating out of one particular house, you'd know for sure that's mine. :D:D:D:D:D:D:D

 

Love dueting with my sis too. She's so the natural at mimicking their expressions and the inflection of their tones. (Pumbaa? Pumbaa~?) There's one in every family. =) I just sing in key. Hehe. Love singing. It's soooou much fun.

 

Aside from that, I went to the DBKU library today. Not forgetting a certain book titled "Petey", I took the extra trouble to search for it using the computer...And discovered that it was a "kiddy" book located downstairs. Went all the way downstairs to hunt it out. And went up again to search for my remaining 2 or 3 books, depending on how many my sis decided to borrow. And finally, at the checkout counter, after calling the clerk's attention to the fact that the book had a few loose flyers, I wasn't allowed to borrow that book!

 

KONG MIN!!!!

 

Just had to roar at somebody, excuse me. Hehe. It wasn't your fault, really, so well, don't lose any sleep over it. XP

I hate making mistakes. I hate making mistakes. I've just repeated myself twice, both times using the strongest word I've ever used, "hate". That should be emphasis enough. Wait, let me pinpoint the exact source of my frustration. I hate LIVING with mistakes I make, not so much of making the mistakes. Mistakes that cost money. And mistakes that might just raise other people's eyebrow when they look at me : obvious, physical, image-affecting mistakes.

 

And I'm not pregnant, so wipe that raised eyebrow from your face right now.

 

Merely a girl issue. Hehe. Fashion. You see, I just got my two new skirts back from the tailor's, and well, at first glance, they were a disappointment. AND YES, I do wear skirts and I am concerned about whether they suit me and my image (altho not as excessively as certain kinds of girls). Still, I have to wear them, because I am so NOT a believer in wasting money and of course, it is entirely my own fault (I am not a believer in blaming others for my own mistakes too).

 

Let me indulge in being an irrational "girl" girl. I am hardly ever one. Lol.

 

(5 minutes later)

 

Okay I'm over it already. The skirts aren't so bad, at second glance. In fact, the issue at hand is whether they do justice to my bodyshape and don't make me appear fat (which I already am, so why bother trying to cover up that fact..XP). After trying them out once more, I have come to the conclusion that I can live with this "mistake in disguise". And I really don't like feeling or sounding like an airhead. Haha.

 

And yes, another positive way of looking at it : I'm more motivated than ever to cut down on the fatty foodstuff now. I could barely squeeze into the waistline. Hehe. Ah, not that bad lah, you know how I like to exaggerate. u_u.

 

I am slim. Hmph. *consoling myself*

 

Lol...and ciao for now.

Ah. A little update now and then would be necessary I guess. But it's not so easy handling 3 blogs at a go. XD

 

Well, for starters, I'm having the time of my life here in the little city of Kuching (which I will be leaving soon, so miss me guys! hehe). You see, when a certain person in the family happens to have a major public exam (aka SPM) going on, that certain person will undoubtedly receive the best of everything and anything, treated like a king/queen for the duration of the exam. It's a family tradition.  (I had this during my PMR too). So, that would mean, we cater to that person's every whim and fancy, in other words, pamper him/her. AH. Fine I'll just say "HIM". XD

 

So anyway, we've been living the good life these few days, since my mum is busy catering to his demands. Of course, food is most important. *snicker* So what HRH Ray Yap eats, we get to eat as well. Adding the fact that my sister just got her UPSR results [6As, BC being the stumbling block once more], we are in major celebration mode. Secara langsung, I get to eat, drink and sleep to my heart's content. Only I think I'm getting a trifle fat. XP

[Note to self : Must cut down on that chocolate.]

 

Okay here's the downside : My whole day is packed everyday. Considering I wake up at 8.30am, it'd be 10.00am after having quiet time and reading Luke/Acts for BK next year. By 10.00, if everything is on schedule, time for Add Math. Composite functions very nearly drove me mad yesterday. The thing about Add Math is that I can get the concept (given enough time to absorb it), but I just can't get the point! *muttering about the nonsense of it all*

 

If I'm lucky, I'd probably finish add math in time to help my mum in the kitchen before lunch. That's my whole morning gone, people. Afternoon? Ahhh, you know me, I need to nap. Night? That depends. I usually have a whole loada things to do (yes, housechores), including my learning to play the guitar, but if anything happens to come up, like a trip downtown, haha, who wouldn't give that up? Really slow rate I'm going at. Haha. I'd love to save more time.

 

Busy busy busy. My confessions will end here for now. Gotta get to my Add Math. XD

The English language is positively beautiful. Let's take an excerpt from The Ramblings between Hon and May and do some research on the beauty of it all. XD

 

  ____________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

(note to reader: the conversation has been edited free of typos for the reader's comprehension.)

 

 So, you going anywhere this hol?

 Yeap

 Kluang

 And KL

 Same as Amy

 Same dates too?

 Nope, I'm bringing the hot one, she's bringing the SEXAY one.

 

  __________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

I love the English language.

Guys, I came across a passage the other day that really spoke to me and I’d love to share it with you. It struck me before that many of you have a fear of dying, even some of you reading this entry. Here’s the explanation for it.

 

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God made us to last forever. In fact, He designed that very inborn longing in the human heart for immortality, to live forever. Otherwise, why would we be so afraid to face the ugly finality of death? The reason we feel it’s SO UNFAIR to die is because God Himself wired our brains with that desire to live forever!

 

And here’s a fact that struck me very hard : Our life here on earth, is a mere dot in the face of eternity. Our life here is short, but we’ll spend ETERNITY, forever, on the other side of death, be it heaven or hell, whichever one you choose. There is no turning back. Eternity only offers two choices : Heaven, or hell. Take your pick.

 

What about life on earth? Life, is a mere practice for life after death; the short warming up before the big game. This realization should jolt any Christian who is still going through the motions, and for those who aren’t yet Christians, this should impact each and every one of you with a sense of urgency. We all know how short life is. When you realize life is just a preparation for eternity, how you handle your life on earth will suddenly change. Many problems that seem so important will become trivial all of a sudden, unworthy of your attention even. Activities that do not serve any eternal purpose will fade in comparison to what God has in plan for you. The closer you are to God, the smaller everything else appears.

 

If you don’t believe in life after death and believe that your time on earth were all there was to your life, why not live it up? Why care about moral knowing, about what’s right and wrong, since there are NO ETERNAL consequences? The fact that there IS life after death is what makes the difference. If you have a relationship with God, there would be no fear of death at all. Death, is a mere transition to eternity in heaven spent with God! Now who in their right minds wouldn’t want that?

 

God has a purpose for your life on earth, but it doesn’t end here. His plan involves far more than a few decades on earth. Make sure where you’re going to spend eternity now.

 

[Adapted from The Purpose-Driven Life, Rick Warren]

 

Obviously, I can't write the whole article down for you (it's really very long, this is a summarized version), but if anyone would like to know more, just ask me through Msn or leave a comment here. To God be the glory!

I'm tired of thinking. Thinking makes me tired. But I can't stop now. It's like an automatic response to bedtime. My brain says "time to sleep" and then goes to work, charting out my itinerary for the next day/predicting conversations/imagining situations/telling myself to go to sleep (but to no avail) and the whole cycle again. *sigh*

 

I've lost the art of sleeping already. If I can't even master the art of sleeping, don't expect me to master any other thing, especially all my goals (remember that particular entry?). Insomnia is so NOT glamourous.

 

Talking about goals, here's another : Learn how to take CLEAR pictures. Duh.

 

I must. Accomplish. Every-------thing. *yawn*

*sigh* Eddie? Do you know that what you said to me the other day left an impression on me till now? Lol. Anyway, you said I was really frank, right? Well, I think I need to change for the better, cause by unintentionally implying stuff when I talk before I think, more people have been hurt than the SARS epidemic victims [in Malaysia only, not any other place, so there weren’t that many, right?;) ]

 

So check out my practice. As I drank some Sarsi out just now, I thought to myself : Sarsi is a poor substitute for Rootbeer. Oh no. Eddie would say I was being sharp to the Sarsi *panicked puppy eyes*. Must use some tact here. So I came up with this :

 

Gradual improvement scheme

#1 Sarsi is a poor substitute for Rootbeer.

#2 Sarsi is no match for Rootbeer.

#3 It is not that bad, but…

#4 It is better than nothing.

#5 It is a nice change from the normal stuff we drink.

#6 I hardly ever get to drink gassy drinks, so it’s GREAT!

 

Hey Eddie, thanks for your help. You’ve enlightened me.

Okay. Okay. Patience....

 

If you're wondering what that was all about, let me just let you have a sneak peek at the life of a teacher's child. One of the things we're expected to do is, inevitably, to help mark and count the marks of exam papers. If not English, then physics.

 

Good thing there's no English this time, only physics. But, my dad didn't group the marks together at the bottom of page, as my mum usually does, to make counting the marks easier and more accurate. Yes, that means every single mark, be it 1 or 2 or 3, depending on the amount of marks alloted for each correct/semi-correct answer, has to be counted individually. Do you know how long that takes? 1 plus 2 plus 2 plus 3 plus.....the list goes on forever! And just imagine, if you forget the marks you've been counting so far halfway through the 19-page-long test paper, you have to do it ALL OVER AGAIN!

 

That ALSO means i'm more likely to miss out one or two marks in the process of calculating. And that, is precisely what happened, or is happening now. Fortunately, by checking one paper with a calculator, I noticed that I did make slight mistakes in my mental calculations. I don't have to say the rest for you to guess what I have to do now, but I'll say it anyway : I have to go through the WHOLE stack once again just to correct my mistakes. Wait, not the WHOLE stack lah, TWO WHOLE STACKS! ATOM AND ELEKTRON! TWO STACKS TIMES NINETEEN PAGES!

 

So be forewarned, atomers and elektroners : Please count your marks again just in case. As for me, I'll go back to my checking, re-checking, calculating and re-calculating. No worries, I'm already halfway back through Atom's stack so I'd probably get it all done before next year. -_-'

 

Somebody save me.

 

 

 Edit : After another agonizing 5 minutes, I presented my case before dad. He said he'd ask you guys to check it yourself next week,  because it's already bad enough that I spent 2 hours plus on you guys. XD  Salvation is mine!