Many of you who know me say that I am fierce. Heh. You don't know half of it yet. I was thinking about what Chiau Hung said about me in a Friendster testimonial ages ago : I've promised u one so gotta write lo..if not cant stand to look in ur face during school starts[kinda scary when u r mad,haha~] It wont be a surprise if u murder me then chop me to pieces and boil for not writing u 'a' testi.

 

 

 

Here are signs to look out for when I'm really angry, no "buts", "ifs", period.  

 

 

 

 

 

My experiences and experience with so-called lovestruck friends have left me a skeptic.

 

But I'm starting to mellow.

 

Will I ever, ever learn to be less cautious? Will I miss a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity because of my fear of taking risks? Will I keep on concentrating on the little leaf on the little tree instead of the whole forest that the little leaf belongs to?

 

I'm asking more and more questions now. I don't know, I guess it's a part of growing up.

 

But I'm still afraid that the risks I take may not be worth it. What about rejection? What about broken promises, broken dreams, broken hearts? Sorry means nothing. I've seen too much of that already. Way too much, and I know that it's really taxing emotionally.

 

On the other hand, one is only young once.

 

Humans will be humans. Nobody is perfect. Having a Mr. Perfect subconsciously doesn't help.

 

But what if I wanna skip all the hurt and all the disappointment and find my fairy tale ending? It is possible..slim chance but there's still a chance. Could I, should I hope and wait?

 

Yeah, maybe even till forever.

 

Any advice? =)

Yesterday was fun.

 

Nish invited me to her house to bake cookies together, and Nat came along too. Oh and i really musn't forget to add that he brought along two-month-old Adam, who was the centre of attention with his constant hiccuping and rare smiles. Hehe.

 

Anyway, the first new experience I gained was how to select eggs. Without my mum's help...ahhhhhh...anything would do! The only defect I know to look out for is that the egg musn't be flaky or too pale in colour. Even easier, just break the egg and check (nvm the fact I won't know whether it's fresh or not even so), but too bad, once broken considered sold.

 

Mosquitos were rampant in Nisha's house, so my four limbs were kept busy slapping and deterring their bloodsucking activities, but still went home with a brand-new complexion - something resembling a tan in splotches. I really wonder how Nat and Nish could stand it. Alah bisa, tegal biasa, but I'm awfully glad my house isn't next to some jungle.

 

And I really wasn't fooling anyone. Obvious ignorant of how to bake cookies, they saw through it from the start. Having never done this activity before, heh, you can imagine. As i usually claim, I am really really really better at theory than practical. Ask me all the facts in Home Ec, I can answer you, but asking me to actually PRACTISE what I know is a totally different thing altogether. Plus the fact my mum doesn't do much baking at home, contrary to Nisha's mum, who has about like, SEVEN baking trays just for baking COOKIES. I needn't say how many baking trays for other confectionaries, hehe.

 

Hey, but I did have one skill to show 'em...my dish-washing skills. Lol.

 

But I'll spare you the gory details and cut straight to the chase...The cookies were yummy! Only I don't know HOW on earth they knew, but they said that the cookies weren't supposed to taste that way.  Still, we all agreed it was yummy, and I even "da paoed" some for my sis (who demanded earlier on that I let her sample the cookies of our creation). Not enough, apparently. My bro, mum and dad fought for their rights too..hehe. See how successful we were? U_u

 

We made all sorts of shapes since nobody was there to lecture us on how and why and why NOT the cookies should look like whatever we made them look like. Of course, there were the usual insults and competition to see who could make the prettiest/ugliest cookie, but anyway everyone had a really fun time. Jey even made her own Meltz, but used baking powder instead of baking soda (or was it the other way round?) so we ended up with mutated cookies in size, lol.

 

Anyway, I learnt one thing : baking soda or baking powder, either one you use, doesn't alter the taste. Heh. So who cares anyway....;)

 

more to be continued in the case I learn how to bake cakes the next time..hiak hiak...

The top ten sentences running through my mind now are the top ten sentences I so badly want to shout out loud in front of somebody, but I c.a.n.t..

 

Here's just a taste of my feelings:

 

#1 Don't do me any more favours!

#2 Why? I can't even say anything and it's NOT fair!

#3 What did I do to make you hate me? Why not the otherS?!

#4 You have created wounds that can't ever be healed.

#5 I'm in love with justice, and marvel the irrationality of it all. I'm dripping with sarcasm with every word I say.

#6 You made me redefine "love" and now I don't know what "love" is.

#7 I won't say life was unfair to me, but I'll say this : Compared to others, LIFE IS UNFAIR to me!

#8 This isn't the first time, nor will it be the last time, and there's nothing I can do to stop the vicious cycle.

#9 Now I don't know who to blame, but it. is. not. my. fault. It's either yours or yours. You know it yourself, but you won't admit it.

#10 I'm trying to hold back tears but in vain. You make me so vunerable, and I hate the feeling of being vunerable.

 

Intense? All my life.

WHew...It's currently 10.58pm and I've finally finished 'Wild Swans' by Jung Chang. She really does have a writing style and class of her own. 

 

Frankly speaking, I have NOT felt this rejuvenated or refreshed in a long time, considering the fact I haven't been touching books since about 7 months ago. Real books, mind you. I've touched more reference books than I ever hoped to in my entire lifetime this year. The Bible is in a category of its own, so that is another story.

 

And of course, this is the first time(if my memory serves) a book ever took me approx 5 days to complete reading. Man, this book is LONG! 676 pages, including a few pages for pictures. But in reality, I suppose I would've been able to complete it in a shorter time if NOT for the fact I've been terribly busy this past week, busier than before the PMR, I must say.

 

Not mentioning the fact that I do have house chores, music, Lee Kuan Yew's biography (which I am on the verge of giving up on) added with other books which are due this Sunday back in the DBKU library, PLUS the fact that I have to check the dictionary for new words virtually every page I flip through in 'Wild Swans'. All in one breath. Good thing though, coz my command of English has been steadily deteriorating in the past few months due to the lack of constant improvement and usage.

 

I really wonder what exactualogically it was that made previous form 3ers feel bored after the PMR and I quote: 'nothing to do lah...'

 

Even though it's been a hectic week for me, I feel satisfied. Like what TCP said, at least your life is more "chong shi" mah...Yeah and btw, upgrading my BC is one of my goals this holiday.

 

Now let’s get started on ‘Mao’ by Jung Chang (again). Pn Ng is really encouraging me to learn more about Chinese history...hehe.

 

P/s Still praying that I won't suddenly flop over and die from overexertion or exhaustion. =P

 

“ If the shoe fits, it’s the wrong colour.”  [ Murphy’s Law]

 

Sure describes shopping with yours truly, :P.  I went on a shopping excursion with Amy downtown today, and boy, did she gain some insight on the way I shop.

 

 The ten rules I observe when picking out a blouse:

#1 The design on the blouse must be right.

#2 The colour must be just right.

#3 The quality must be satisfactory.

#4 Absolutely NO see-through, outrageous, low-cut, spaghetti straps, bareback etc etc etc numbers.

#5 Buttons and “butang katup” as fashion statements are totally lame.

#6 The colour of the blouse musn’t fade.

#7 The shape of the blouse would best remain the same after going through the washing machine…but for this particular rule, I might make some exceptions. Hand-washing is okay.

#8 Black and white and red and weird shades of any other colour aren’t accepted, because they don’t complement my taste OR my complexion. u_u

#9 Impractical designs like long sleeves and woolen material wouldn’t do for a Malaysian like me.

 

Last but not least…*ahem*

#10 The price can only be at most RM 25 for a formal blouse. For T-shirts, Rm 19.90.

 

I don’t render clothes worth what they are usually worth nowadays, and shopping is getting harder and harder. When I had been shopping for 3 hours and hadn’t found a single blouse which I really liked, I asked Amy if I was a trifle too fussy. Her expression was a mixture of “Duh” and “Of course” and “DON’t YOU THINK SO YOURSELF?!”

 

I keep threatening my parents about spending their precious money because I don’t spend a lot most of the time. For those of you who know me, I save RM 500-1000 per year just on tuition fees. Besides that, I don’t use branded goods or any stuff like that because I simply don’t think they are worth their price. I don't have a handphone that needs reloading every month, to add to my point that I'm very easy to take care of. *angelic smile*

 

Seeing the way I shop, my parents don’t have to worry about financial difficulties EITHER anytime soon. I can’t possibly make good on my threats in this manner. *sigh*

 

Note to reader: Just Fyi, I didn’t manage to buy any clothes this time. So much for 3 ½ hours of shopping. Blame if on the fact Kuching doesn't present me with much choice to shop for...kehkehkeh! >:)

How nice can some people get?

 

REally, how nice can some people get? After all my screaming, yelling, demanding, criticising and of course, sarcasm ;),

Andy, Eddie and Kong Min still had the heart to gimme a nice bundle of mooncake festival candy each. Lol. Aww...my heart's melting into chocolate fudge already. Or should I use some Chinese delicacies to do the similes, since it's Mooncake festival..hehe. Thought for the day : what chinese delicacy is something between a solid and a liquid and not exactly either?

 

Because I didn't come to school on the day they were doing the delivery service, I only got the presents and well wishes today just before my favourite subject, as Bryan called it..Bahasa Cina Kertas 2. How opportune! Sorry yea, Kong Min, your well wishes for Sejarah were slightly overdue..Hehe.

 

Awww...I'm so touched...Muahx, muahx, and muahx and three bear hugs for you guys! Love you guys to the max!

 

On second thought, Kong Min only gave me 1/3 of his well wishes, since he said ever so clearly on the gift tag : To Amy, May and Ying Ying. *sigh* So disappointing...I'll take back my hug. *snicker*  Anyway, did you have to be so nice? Now you're making me feel guilty. First the Milk Tea, then this. Hutang Budi tak boleh dibayar, so should I bother to bayar? Hiak hiak.

 

To Eddie, I'm really really sorry if I've ever said anything to hurt you, degrade you or made you..besong..*contrite expression, puppy eyes and all that*  If I may say so, hehe, you treat me nicer than I actually treat you! Oh yeah, about the Mooncake festival celebration thingy, even though I ain't gonna be there, have fun and tell me all about it k? Of course, I won't alter my previous posts about certain stuff..*ahem*..But I guess this little paragraph dedicated to you should be consolation enough, right?

 

Andy!!!! Really man, after my screaming at you for detaining my music file under house arrest, you still wished me all the best in my PMR. With CANDY somemore...Awww......Now I feel like I'm the worst person on Planet Earth. Did you have to? WEll, I always knew you had a heart of gold...*snicker*

 

So guys, hope you enjoyed this post and take it as an apology or whatever you wanna take it as. Anyway it's right after my fiercest battle, so naturally I'm feeling good about everything and anything that comes my way.

 

Don't be surprised if I yell at you tommorow for something else. Hehe. I'll try my best not to...*sweet smile*

This entry is dedicated to all PMR candidates, whoever you may be and whichever school you come from. On second thought, okay, you SPM-ers can take a look too..;) 

 

 

 

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of GOd, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. [Phillippians 4 : 6,7]

 

 

...but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; They will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. [Isaiah 40:31]

 

 

 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him; and He will make your path straight. [ Proverbs 3:5,6]

 

 

Peace I leave with you, my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not be afraid. [ John 14:27]

 

 

If anyone lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously without finding fault, and it will be given to him. [ James 1:5]

 

 

 

Delight yourself in the Lord an HE will give you the desire of your heart. [Psalms 37:4]

 

Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you. [ 1 Peter 5:7]

 

Here's a prayer for those of you out there :

 

Jesus, I find peace in You as I take this exam. I am nervous, and I need Your help to remember the answers. Holy Spirit, bring back to my remembrance all that I have studied. And if I haven't studied enough, bring back all of the lectures, homework, or anything else that I have done in the class. Give me the mind of Christ. You know everything, including all of the answers to this test. I give You this test, and ask that in Your wisdom You would whisper the answers in my ear.

 

Lord, give me the strength to not cheat. I would never want to do anything that is against Your character. Also, help me to know how much to study before each exam. I know that You reward all of the work that I have put in. You know that my desire is to do well in school. Give me practical steps to be able to accomplish that goal.

 

I also pray for all the others facing this exam. Give us the peace and ability to do well. Thank You, Holy Spirit.

Now let's face the battle, for He has gone in before us!