My sis showed me this cute article off a forum. =P

 

 

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks' homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

 

[Disclaimer : My dad didn't author that. =P]

Most people prefer reading blogs with pictures in it. My blog doesn't have pictures in it (d.u.h.). It can get very wordy, and if you're just not the kind who knows how to read, you have my permission to close this window/switch the URL to another blog.

 

Alright, now that they are gone, the rest of us who can tahan wordy posts can get down to the real business. =P

 

Aside from the fact that MSN Spaces just isn't the best photo host, I have never acquired an affinity for taking pictures or having my photo taken with others. Having been born (I'm pretty sure it's hereditary and everything defective about me comes from the genes =P) camera-shy and unphotogenic, I decided posing just wasn't my style.

 

...and that's why I frustrate a lot of peple by refusing to take group photos. However, I have improved of late. Slightly. =P Some people you might only meet once in a lifetime, and that's when photo-taking comes in handy to save the memories. Other than that, I think cam-whoring is absolutely stupid. I mean, an unproductive way to spend your time. *smiles sweetly*

 

Anyway, my brother's leaving for IMU on Valentine's Day, so my dad decided to snap some family pictures before he leaves. Like I said, MSN Spaces is a lousy photo host so head over to Rene's blog for some eye-candy. I meant my brother and sister when I said "eye-candy", of course. And to those girls who love to ogle my brother, here's your golden opportunity! You know you want to. =P I'm the awkward one with the middle-child syndrome, so just pretend I'm not there. xD If in all the time you were following my blog, you've never seen what I look like either on Facebook, Friendster or in real life, then is THE opportunity to see what I look like - at your own risk. The author of this blog will not be held responsible for any disappointment faced by readers of this blog.

 

And while I'm unselfishly promoting my sister's candid, amusing blog, I might as well introduce this other blog that I happen to enjoy. =P

 

Click it, it's hilarious. =P

21 January 2009.

 

It has been 21 days since the new year, and I haven't reviewed last year. 2008.

 

It was a year filled with new experiences, not-so-new experiences, confrontations, stress and wilder-than-usual mood swings. It was definitely less dramatic than 2007, but it did have its own streak of excitement. I retreated back into my introverted mode. I got sick more often than I ever did before. I cared less, served less and felt neutral about so many things. I studied hard (or maybe not). I cried so much more.

 

I also experienced happiness and joy in the fullest measure. For the first time in my life, I explored the extremities of emotion. In a nutshell, 2008 was basically a whirlwind of feelings, feelings and even more feelings. Some bad, some good. Don't ask me why I'm sounding so emo. I don't know either. I've decided that I don't like the emo part of me, but I can't just lock it up and throw away the key. Although sometimes I wish I could.

 

People who love me (if there are even any left), I seriously don't know how you all put up with me. I wish I was a better person who didn't have needs and wants and lived only to serve others. And would never get burnt out in the process.

 

I also blogged less in an effort to bore readers away. =P

 

(Okay, I wasn't serious about the second half of that sentence.)

 

2008 was a year that passed me by in a daze. I can't remember a lot of things in detail. I only have feelings to go by. Nothing seems important anymore, at least not now, in 2009.

 

I think that's the introverted me speaking. The introverted me is going to stay for a while, so I might as well sign off now.

So Andrew tagged me again, and before you guys close this window to surf another blog, I am NOT going to do the tag (because it's a similar one to what I've done before). Point of interest in his tag:

 

 

I wonder why there is a grinning face right after that adjective. Sarcasm isn't supposed to be a nice thing, right? 

 

Hmm. If I start being nice, will he end up all upset and wonder what in the world happened to me? Because the sarcasm's just an act, really. I'm actually very nice. *coughsmilessweetlycough* (Readers are allowed to take as many spoonfuls of salt as they want to.)

 

Or the other more plausible alternative, suggested by the brilliant genius Jia Wern - He might end up thinking I'm crushed on him.

 

Hmm.

 

Either way, it's a lose-lose situation. xD

 

[Note to Andrew : do take this good-naturedly, okay? =P]

I'm back.

 

I know this is an outrageously outdated post, but I seriously haven't been in the mood to blog. I've only been back in Kuching for around 10 days or so, my stacks of books haven't been wormed through yet (RM 500+ worth of Christian books from the Doulos), the bathroom isn't scrubbed to sparkly cleanliness, my dog hasn't had a bath in a century (more because of the cold weather than the laziness of her owner, I assure you), my room is STILL untidy, and I have a pile of laundry waiting to be put away downstairs just as I type this paragraph out. Not to mention driving lessons and clutch-control. Aargh. *smiles sweetly*

 

As you can so clearly see - and envy, I might add-, I'm one of those lucky few school-leavers who aren't bored yet. =P I think fellow members of my species extincted a long time ago. Way back in December '08. xD

 

Anyway, I am digressing again. The purpose of this entry was to announce to everyone that I rediscovered my first love. A warning to all innocent readers out there, you're about to read an entire entry on another idiosyncrazy of this idiosyncratic blogger. =P

 

I am a very strange person. Superfluous, I KNOW. I have this thing for being equipped with good stationery, and I delight in shopping for - of all things - pens. And mechanical pencils and pencil lead and scissors and correction tape.

 

What? =P They're all stationery!

 

I still remember when my world was turned upside down in Form 1. Since when did anybody use PENS to do homework? I had scribbled my way through primary school using pencils, and now, I had to use pens. And you can't just erase an ink mistake with an eraser. Pens go hand in hand with correction tape. At least, that's what I thought until a while later when - under parental advice aka pressure - I started crossing everything out and it proved way more economical but that's another story. =P

 

Anyway, the hunt began for the perfect pen. I found Stabilo XF 0.5 and fell in love with it. It was a ball-point pen, but friends would ask me if I was using a gel-ink pen based on my handwriting. I preened inside and seized the opportunity to promote this most wonderful, marvelous brand. =D However, the norm at that time was to use Pilot G-1 pens, and I slowly got caught up in the trend. I forgot Stabilo XF 0.5, even though it had served me well. My handwriting became uglier using gel-ink pens (dry-ink is definitely more my type), but I never quite noticed until I switched back to a more basic brand of Faber Castell which was easily available at the school co-operative. As long as the ink ran smoothly, I didn't have a problem with Faber Castell. In fact, I was so comfortable with Faber Castell that my nicest handwriting came from using that pen. The fact that it costed a mere 70 cents didn't hurt either. After all, my brother's philosophy ran deep : No one is going to read your notes. Whether you use expensive pens or not, you're eventually going to throw away your notes. Who are you writing for, your teacher? Your teacher doesn't need your notes!

 

When it came to correction tape, I had this super mental calculator whirring away in my head too. Correction tape can be so absurdly expensive (and so uglifying to your homework), so I decided to become a smart consumer. I began comparing prices to metres and quality every time I came across another brand of correction tape. I finally figured out the best bargain brand and stuck to it. I think I'm really strange and weird to be so obsessive-compulsive about things like correction tape. It was fun doing all that mental work anyway. xD

 

Then I found out that crossing mistakes out was way faster, but like I said, that's another story. =P

 

Anyway, school-leavers will inevitably find themselves suffering from the lack of decent pens to use. Well, at least in MY personal experience. So I had to get a pen. Excited at the prospect of selecting a new pen (some habits die hard, okay?), I took my time finding the perfect pen once more. And LO AND BEHOLD I rediscovered Stabilo XF 0.5!

 

Hee hee hee hee hee hee I'm a happy girl. xD

I didn't have a sleeping bag, and froze the first night away.

I didn't bring my torchlight, and I had to feel my way around every evening.

A viper fell into my tent.

I crushed my specs feeling my way around one evening.

I cut my fingers when the knife slipped while peeling garlic.

 

I must say, I had an interesting camp. xD In spite of all this, I'm in quite high spirits (as high as spirits will go when you have a sleep debt of about a decade or so). You see, I was quite blessed too.

 

I managed to borrow a sleeping bag from Carmen. Thank you so much, I am eternally indebted to you. =)

There was moonlight and lamp-post light to feel my way around by. =P

The viper fell into my tent when I was alone, which meant my tentmates were safe and I actually SAW it come in. And it was eventually killed by some Cameron Highlands natives. If it hadn't happened like that, I'd probably be in the morgue by now. Haha.

I can still SEE, contrary to what Alvin has been saying.

I cut the fingers on my LEFT hand, which is pretty much redundant for this left-brained right-handed person. =P

 

The 5th International Students Camp was truly a new experience. Like everything you've ever watched on TV or heard in the newspaper suddenly materialized into real life human beings who have very real cultures and languages. For instance, I never actually gave thought to the fact that Cantonese is the national language of Hong Kong people. I actually thought that that was just another dialect that those Hong Kong dramas liked to use instead of Mandarin. =P

 

I also realized how UnSarawakian I actually am. During the Talentine, the Sarawakian group did the Ngajat dance - a dance I learnt barely 5 hours earlier. XD I am also quite out of touch with the needs of the Orang Asli groups as I am not one of them. I belong neither to the Peninsula Malaysia group nor the Sarawakian group. *sigh*

 

I guess I'll just go Japanese or Korean then. After all, I was mistaken a few times for a Korean or a Japanese, once even by a JAPANESE himself. Lol. Shingo is just so cute. xD Shingo, AYA TAWO KAWAII!!

 

Oops, is that compliment for girls only? xD

 

Naturally, I'm not going to write about the entire camp here,I'll just highlight a few points. I met this sweet guy named Alvin who's half of a pair of identical twins, is AMBIDEXTROUS and before you start thinking all the wrong stuff, he's 2.5 years younger than I am. HAHAHA. That didn't make him any less of the PERFECT psychological experiment, though. *rubs palms in glee* He was pretty sporting too. And at the end of the camp, I had a big surprise waiting for me. No, it is not what you're naturally inclined to think, whatever that is. Anyone who wants to know can ask me personally. A big angpow would be a good motivator. =P Kidding, of course. Or maybe not. Okay, just kidding. Haha. Lame. Yeah. Never mind.

 

Oh and another thing I learnt, a YUKATA (which is a simpler costume than a KIMONO) takes 10 minutes to wear. That's if you KNOW how to put it on. If you don't, you may very well take forever. Not a single Japanese brought a KIMONO to camp...I guess that would be lunacy in itself. To think our national costume, the BAJU KURUNG, takes only half a minute to put on.

 

...Suddenly I feel very patriotic, you know? =P

 

Oh, and after a week of speaking in the simplest english possible in the weirdest accents conceivable, I think I don't sound like May anymore. xD Hopefully I'll regain that non-accented accent of mine. =P

 

Anyway, today's the New Year, so HAPPY NEW YEAR, everyone, even if this might be the latest (literally speaking) greeting you receive today. I can't wait to turn 18 - I want to DONATE MY BLOOD! =D